Sunday, June 21, 2015

Sunday Funnies 2015.06.21

Today is Father's Day. It's also the first day of summer. It's a two-fer...

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

“That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”

The nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”

“That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”

The nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”

“That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”

The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask.

“I work for 7 Up!”

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle.

He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

"Who is the most obedient?" he asked?

"Who never talks back to mother?"

"Who does everything mother says?"

Five small voices replied in unison. "Okay daddy! You get the toy."

While flying from Philadelphia to Denver, I once overheard a mother telling to her nine year old son, "Jacob, now remember- run to Dad first, and then the dog."

Why do lions mate in the summer?
Because the pride comes before the fall.

One hot summer day, a man is filling up his black pickup truck at the local gas station. He isn't very careful, and he gets gasoline all over his jacket's left sleeve. He ignores it, and leaves the station after paying for the gas.

As he's driving down the highway, the heat of the sun on his truck's black paint is enough to ignite his jacket sleeve. He drives faster, waving his arm out the window in an attempt to extinguish the flames, but they burn hotter!

As he speeds down the highway, a state trooper sees the situation and pulls him over. He jerks the man out of the truck and rolls him on the ground until the fire is extinguished.

As the man dusts himself and thanks his rescuer, he sees the officer is writing him a summons! Confused, he asks, "You're writing me a ticket!? What for?"

The officer replies, "Unlicensed possession of a fire arm."


Old NFO said...

Good ones there my friend! And that last one IS appropriate in the SW now...

Well Seasoned Fool said...

Made me laugh.

CenTexTim said...

Glad y'all liked them...