Sunday, January 11, 2015

Sunday Funnies 2015.01.11

Most of the nation is experiencing cold weather this weekend - even down here in Texas. Here's a few jokes to take your mind off the weather.

"It's so cold that:

... flashers are carrying pictures."

... my car won't start running and my nose won't STOP!"

... cops yell 'thaw!' when chasing bad guys."

... my lawn jockey asked to borrow a blanket."

... Miley Cyrus had to put her clothes back on."

... gangsters have pulled their pants up."

... the weather map looks like an algebra worksheet — lots of small, negative numbers."

My wife told me that she makes a lot of mistakes when texting in the cold.

I nodded knowingly. “It’s the early signs of typothermia.”

Speaking of my wife, she said that snow in Texas reminds her of dating. You never know how many inches you're going to get, or how long it's going to last.

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day.

The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.'

The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs and your body heat will warm them up.'

The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said,

'My hands are freezing cold.'

The girl replied, 'Put them between my legs and the warmth of my body will warm them up.

He did and warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.

He said, 'My nose is cold.'

The girl replied, 'Put it between my legs, the warmth of my body will warm it up.'

He did and warmed his nose.

The day after the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, 'My penls is frozen solid.'

The next day, the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again and she asked 'Have you ever heard of a penis, Mother?'

Concerned the mother said, 'Why yes..... why do you ask?'

The daughter replies,

'They make one heck of a mess when they defrost, don't they!!!

Driving when it snows in Texas


Well Seasoned Fool said...

At least you have an ice scrapper.

CenTexTim said...

That's right... :-)