Sunday Funnies 2014.05.25

Yesterday I went to a neighborhood Memorial Day celebration. We boiled crawfish, barbequed beef, pork, and venison, played washers, and danced to the music of several guitar players. Among the attendees were an old Marine F-4 pilot (Silver Star), an old Army Ranger (Bronze Star and Purple Heart), an old AF F-16 pilot who saw action in Bosnia and the first Desert Storm, a couple of old Airborne soldiers, and old me. I felt a little silly compared to them, but what the heck - I went where the Army in its infinite wisdom though I could do the most good (or the least harm) and did what I was told. It was good training for marriage.

To those who have gone before...


Today, let's take a lighter approach to Memorial Day. There'll be time enough tomorrow to be solemn.

I can't wait to spend Memorial Day doing nothing on a beach instead of doing nothing at work.

I will be solemnly honoring our military this weekend because no one invited me anywhere fun.

Signs Your Memorial Day Weekend Sucked

1. Huge grill marks on your ass.
2. Stay in the local burn ward now part of the family cookout tradition.
3. Image of Grandpa in his Speedo is indelibly burned into your memory.
4. Your improbable kebob skewer mishap headlines local paper.
5. Your barbeque fire consumed 10,000 acres.
6. Your five-year-old took the phrase "weiner roast" literally.
7. While you baked in the sun, drinking buddies placed a DUMBASS stencil on your forehead.
8. Your Ball Park Frank didn't plump, if you know what I mean.

A Vietnam veteran sits down next to an Iraq veteran in the VA waiting room and asks him "How long have you been here?"

The Iraq vet responds, "Ever since last Memorial Day."