Sunday, December 13, 2015

Sunday Funnies 2015.12.13

There are only 11 shopping days left until Christmas...

Christmas is in my heart twelve months a year. Thanks to credit cards, it’s also on my Visa statement twelve months a year.

Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.

Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.

This year I plan to start putting off my Christmas shopping extra early.

When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!

Dear Santa, what I want for Christmas this year is your list with names of naughty girls.

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

You know you're from Arkansas when you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend and only come back with one gift.

A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up.

"Great," she said.

I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.

"I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."

A couple was Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve. The mall was filled with shoppers who were making last minute purchases. The woman suddenly looked around and discovered that her husband was no longer by her side.

Astounded and upset, because she still had much shopping to do, she pulled out her cell phone and angrily called him. "Where are you?" she demanded.

Her husband calmly replied, "Honey, do you remember that jewelry store we passed by five years ago and you totally fell in love with that diamond necklace that we unfortunately couldn't afford?"

"Yes," she said.

"And do you remember how I promised that one day I would scrimp and save enough money to get it for you?"

The eyes of the woman filled with tears, she began to cry softly and as she tried to suppress a sob she whispered: "Yes, that jewelry store ... I definitely remember it."

"Well," he says, "I"m in the bar next to that store."


Bear said...

I've tried something different this year, being a lifetime 12/23-24 shopper. I finished mine on Saturday, without ever stepping foot in a store. Definitely a vast improvement over past years, and a lot cheaper and less stressful thanks to Amazon and ebay.

CenTexTim said...

For the past few years I've done most of my Christmas shopping via Amazon and its brethren. Love it!

Bear said...

And it can be done with a beer in hand, while watching football in your underwear. What's not to love?

CenTexTim said...