Sunday Funnies 2013.10.13

Retirement is like any other job. You have to work at it. I'm currently working on my golf game. It's slowly inching up from "very bad" to "bad." But at least I've kept my sense of humor.

Barely...

I was addressing the ball when an announcement came over the loud-speaker: "Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the Ladies' tee box."

I backed away, a little distracted, then approaches the ball again. As I did so, the same announcement comes over the loud-speaker: "Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the Ladies' tee box."

I was getting irritated now. I backed away from the ball, and then approached it one more time. This time the announcement came: "We really need the gentleman on hole number one to move off of the Ladies' tee box!"

That's when I turned around and yelled, "And I really need the announcer to shut up and let me play my second shot!"

A married couple played golf together everyday.

One day the man and his wife were on the first tee of their local course. He was on the white tee and she was waiting in front of him by the ladies tee.

He teed off and caught the ball perfectly; unfortunately it hit his wife smack in the back of the head killing her instantly.

She fell face down on the tee, didn't know what hit her.

They had an inquest on the wife's death, the coroner said it was clear how she died, she was killed by a golf ball, and that there was a perfect imprint of a golf ball on the back of her head.

The husband said, "Yes, that was my ball"

The coroner then went on to say that he was a bit concerned to find a ball inserted up the woman's backside, and could the husband throw some light on this?

The husband said, "Oh that must have been my provisional. I wondered where it went."

Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf.

The pro asked, "Did you guys have a good game today?"

The first old guy said, "Yes, I had three riders today."

The second old guy said, "I had the most riders ever. I had five."

The third old guy said, "I had seven riders, the same as last time."

The last old man said, "I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today."

After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, "I've been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what's a rider?"

The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it."

Play it where it lies...