Q: Why is a computer so smart?
A: It listens to its motherboard.
Miss Jones had just given her second-grade students a science lesson. She had explained about magnets, and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time.
Miss Jones said, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"
A little boy in the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!
COLUMBUS'S MOTHER: I don't care what you've discovered, Christopher. You could have written.
MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?
NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: All right, Napoleon. If you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it.
GOLDILOCKS'S MOTHER: I've got a bill here for a broken chair from the Bear family. Do you know anything about this Goldie?
ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?
THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!
HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: Humpty, If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? No!
Son: "Mom, can I have twenty bucks"
Mom: "Does it look like I'm made of money?"
Son: "Well isn't that what M.O.M stands for?"
Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.
- P. J. O'Rourke
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