Sunday, March 20, 2016

Sunday Funnies 2016.03.20

Today is the first day of Spring. Time for gardening and spring cleaning...

I was so excited about spring that I wet my plants.

A woman's garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatoes won't ripen. There's a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she's getting tired of it.  So she goes to her neighbor and says, "Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?''

Her neighbor replies, "Well, it may sound absurd but here's what to do. Tonight there's no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off.  Tomatoes can see in the dark and they'll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they'll all be red, you'll see.''

Well, what the heck? She does it. The next day her neighbor asks how it worked.

"So-so,'' she answers. "The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.''

"A man should never plant a garden larger than his wife can take care of."  
-  T.H. Everett  

A perfect spring day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.

You never know what you have…until you clean your room.

I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a mom.

My room is not dirty. I just have everything on display. Like a museum.

A clean house is a sign of no Internet connection.

And the true, short story of every parent: “My house was clean. Then the kids woke up. The end.”

Good Housekeeping Tip:
Always keep several get well cards on the mantel…..
So if unexpected guests arrive, they will think you’ve been sick and unable to


Old NFO said...

Good ones, and Hagar is on the money (OUR money)... dammit!

CenTexTim said...

Yeah, I've already started gathering up tax documents ... sigh...