Monday, February 1, 2016

It's In The Stars

The Iowa caucuses are tonight. Political analysts are merrily chasing their tails trying to predict the outcomes. Here's a more reliable way.
Independent Journal Review took a look at the weekly horoscopes for the top candidates on both sides of the aisle to see who will win Iowa. We can say with full confidence that these predictions will be accurate.

DISCLAIMER: The previous sentence is not a real guarantee.

Donald Trump 
Born June 14, 1946: Gemini 
Feb 1: “Today you could be hit with some exciting news. It could involve an entirely new project or course of action that you never would have imagined. This is likely to shape up to be a lucky break for you, as the new situation probably suits your skills and talents nearly perfectly. Make the most of this opportunity. It could make a big difference to you… You will do much better than you could possibly imagine.”
Sounds like The Donald is headed for a big win. But what about Ted?
Ted Cruz
Born December 22, 1970: Capricorn
Feb 1: “New information could be coming at you from all sides today. Books, magazines, TV, the Internet, and conversations with friends are likely to bring exciting knowledge your way that reinforces some of your own convictions… Other people may have established certain rules to follow, but you know that you are far above and beyond these rules. If anyone can find a way to sneak out of them, it is you.”
Well, Cruz is, IMO, the smartest person in the race. Plus, he's a lawyer. So if anyone can find a way to sneak around the rules, it's him.
Hillary Clinton 
Born October 26, 1947: Scorpio 
Feb 1: “Unusual circumstances could arise that change the course of your creative orientation. This could involve modern technology in some way, and it’s highly likely that it concerns the gathering, sharing, and use of information. You could find yourself considering some unusual options, which could involve changing jobs, your residence, or other factors important to your lifestyle. Think carefully before plunging in. Tonight, spend some quality time with the special someone in your life.”
I interpret that as hillary will be indicted over her stoarge of classified information on her private e-mail server. And that bit about changing her residence might mean spending some time in prison (I wish...). As for spending quality time with someone special, I guessing that means her gal pal Huma Abedin.
Bernie Sanders 
Born September 8, 1941: Virgo 
Feb 1: “Whatever enterprises you start today are likely to prove successful if everyone involved pitches in… A difficult power struggle will erupt in your place of work today – and most likely, it will not be pretty. Other people are armed and ready to fight. You should be as well. Just make sure you don’t get too carried away. Remember that it’s just a job.”
"Other people are armed and ready to fight..."  Shades of Vince Foster. Bernie should be afraid ... very, very afraid.

In a few short hours we'll find out how accurate these horoscopes are.


Randy said...

Hope you're right about hillary, but she seems to be immune from paying for her sins

CenTexTim said...

I wish I could get away with half of what she does.