Sunday Funnies 2016.06.12

While most of us are wondering how on Earth we ended up with a choice between Trump or hillary for our next president, one group is truly thankful that it's come to this - late night comedians.

“A new government report reveals that Hillary Clinton ignored the State Department rules about cybersecurity. The report states that Hillary’s recklessness, arrogance, and defiance could get her the Republican presidential nomination.” – Conan O’Brien

“Even when you do give Hillary Clinton a clear ‘no’, what she hears is, ‘Try again in eight years.'” – Stephen Colbert

“Chairman of the Republican National Committee Reince Priebus blasted Hillary Clinton on Twitter for using ‘bad judgment’. Priebus said, ‘I haven’t seen judgment this bad since my parents named me Reince Priebus.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Trump criticized Hillary Clinton over the weekend, claiming that her views are ‘just words’ read off a teleprompter. But Hillary denied it, saying, ‘I’ve had these speeches memorized since I was six.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“A recent survey found that Donald Trump is polling very badly among Asian-Americans. After hearing this, Trump said, ‘That’s odd, I haven’t even gotten around to insulting them yet. I got great material on them.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Troubling news for Hillary Clinton. The FBI says as part of its investigation of Hillary Clinton’s emails, it may call her in to speak to them. No word yet on how much Hillary’s planning to charge. Could be as much as three grand, $300,000.” – Conan O’Brien

“A new poll shows that almost half of registered voters say they would consider a third-party candidate as an alternative to Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. A third-party candidate is a little bit like a Tinder date. You think to yourself, what have I got to lose? Can’t be worse than my ex.” – Seth Meyers

“Hillary Clinton’s new campaign slogan is ‘Stronger Together’. Which replaces her old slogan, ‘Goddammit, It’s My Turn!'” – Conan O’Brien

obama, to no one's surprise, endorsed hillary. Also to no one's surprise, he did so with a false and misleading statement.

Of course, obama's endorsement won't have any impact on the FBI investigation into hillary's use of a private e-mail server... (wink, wink).

Speaking of female leaders of democratic nations, remember Margaret Thatcher and Gloda Meir?

And speaking of hillary's liberal supporters...

Finally, speaking for the rest of us...