Our Tax Dollars At Work

We're still a few months away from income tax season. But keep the following in the back of your mind when you write a check to the IRS. And definitely remember this come election time next November. (Courtesy of Sen. Jeff Flake, R-Ariz.)

One of the few constants in Washington is tossing taxpayers’ hard-earned cash not just to special interests who hire the best lobbyists, but for misbegotten purposes that only Uncle Sam could imagine ... each outlay “represents thousands, millions or, in some cases, billions of dollars that could have been better spent on cancer research, strengthening national defense, caring for veterans, or not spent at all to reduce our debt.” So much for that dreadful austerity that congressional spendthrifts claim we are suffering through.

For instance, the National Institutes of Health spent about $10 million underwriting studies of monkeys on treadmills. Researchers said the results should be helpful to “address physiological responses of exercise in a marmoset model.”

And the benefit of understanding physiological responses of exercise in marmosets is... anyone? anyone? Bueller?

The Agency for International Development spent $2.1 million on tourism promotion for Lebanon... Last May the State Department issued a travel advisory urging Americans to avoid visiting - you guessed it - Lebanon.

Left hand, why don't you coordinate with Right Hand, so maybe we're not working at cross purposes. Just sayin'...

The National Science Foundation (NSF) provided $5 million to figure out how long a “koozie” would keep a beer cold.

I'd run that study for a whole lot less than $5M. Let's see, around $40 for two cases of Shiner and ice, another $5 for a koozie, and maybe $15 for an instant thermometer. That comes to approximately $60. Toss in another $4 million for my time and expertise and I've just saved the federal government a whopping $1M (less the $60 for materials).

The Department of Housing and Urban Development will spend $104.4 million in 2016 to subsidize housing for people who make too much money to be eligible for the program...

The Department of Defense spent $43 million to build one gas station in the city of Sheberghan, Afghanistan...

NSF showed up again with nearly $1 million to subsidize wine industry programs at three colleges. The classes emphasize wine-tasting by students not otherwise old enough to drink...

NSF provided another $276,194 to figure out the impact of physical attraction on dating. Spoiler alert: physical attractiveness speeds positive results...

Gee, who woulda thunk?

The Department of Defense, with nothing else in the world to do, is spending $2 million to develop music-playing robots. Both trumpet and jazz...

NSF spent $2.6 million studying why tweets are retweeted...

When you next hear a Washington official complain about how the federal government is starved for revenue and it isn’t possible to cut even a dollar from Uncle Sam’s allowance, think about Sen. Flake’s Wastebook. For most of us, the loss of a few thousand or million dollars matters. But obviously not in the nation’s capital.

Word.