News From Down Under

Yesterday morning's stories were of the feel-good variety. This story is slightly different...

Kangaroo farts not as environmentally friendly as previously thought

First of all, I didn't know that kangaroo farts were generally considered environmentally friendly. In fact, I had never even thought about kangaroo farts. It turns out that concerned scientists trying to save the world from global warming climate change weather have been viewing kangaroos as potential game-changers in the battle to reduce greenhouse gases.

Kangaroos can no longer feel smug about their flatulence. Traditionally, it's been thought that the animals produce unusually low amounts of methane when they pass gas. Since livestock farts make up a lot of our global greenhouse gas emissions, that would make kangaroos potential lifesavers in the global warming department. Scientists had hoped that there might be some secret cocktail of microbes in their gut that made their emissions so delicate — perhaps one that could be given to cattle to make their farts less harmful.

But according to a study published Wednesday in the Journal of Experimental Biology, there's nothing magical about a kangaroo fart.

Next thing you know, scientists will be claiming that there is nothing magical about unicorn farts.

"The idea that kangaroos have unique gut microbes has been floating around for some time and a great deal of research has gone into discovering these apparently unique microbes," study author Adam Munn of the University of Wollongong said in a statement.

A "great deal of research" into kangaroo farts?!? Sounds like the Aussies government spends its tax dollars about as wisely as our government.

And speaking of research into kangaroo farts, I'm sure you've asked yourself "Self, what is the proper procedure for measuring kangaroo farts?"

Here's how.

You seal the animals up in individual rooms and feed them alfalfa. Some of the kangaroos were given a set diet, while others enjoyed an all-you-can-eat alfalfa buffet. Meanwhile, the scientists measured the methane accumulating in each kangaroo's room and analyzed their poop.

And the findings?

Kangaroos do produce less methane than cows, when you compare one individual to another. When the researchers looked at methane emissions in relation to food intake, however, they found that kangaroos actually come pretty close to cow methane production.

So in other words, the amount of methane produced per pound is about the same between cows and kangaroos.

Gee, I'm glad we got that cleared up. Now we can move on to researching other pressing issues - like how monkeys gamble...