Sunday, February 1, 2015

Sunday Funnies 2015.02.01

A little humor from our little tropical island...

On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by a shipwreck:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman, 2 French men and 1 French woman,
2 German men and 1 German woman,
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman,
2 English men and 1 English woman,
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman,
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman,
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman,
2 American men and 1 American woman, and
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on these same absolutely stunningly beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant, and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for the store.

The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the American woman keeps endlessly complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how her relationship with her mother is improving, and at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey.

But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

A cruise ship founders on a reef, and a man just manages to swim some miles and crawl up on a desert island. After recovering from the ordeal, he begins to explore and finds to his great surprise (and pleasure) that the only other survivor of this terrible tragedy is Kate Upton.

They build a lean-to and find some food and water. After a few weeks, it becomes clear that help is not on the way, so they start to get intimate. The guy is clearly ecstatic for a couple of weeks, but one morning she awakes to find him moping under a tree.

"What's the matter?" Kate says: "Is there anything I can do?"

"Well, I am a little shy about asking you," he replies: "But could you take some of that charcoal from the fire and paint a mustache on your face?"

"A mustache? Well... I... I suppose so", and she does it.

"Now, there's just one other thing. Can I call you Bob... like my friend?"

"Bob? Well... if it will make you feel better... all right."

"Great!" he cries, looks at her and says: "Bob! You're never gonna believe who I'm sleeping with!"

A king on a tropical island was given a new throne on the anniversary of his coronation. He replaced his old one with it, and store the old throne in the attic of his grass hut.

Every year after that, on the same date, he was given a new throne. Each time he received one he would store the old throne in the hut's attic.

One day the attic collapsed and crushed th eking to death.

Moral: People who live in grass huts shouldn't stow thrones.

1 comment:

Old NFO said...

Good ones all! :-)