Sunday Funnies 2012.10.14

Lots of accusations that one party or the other is lying these days, so we'll take that as today's topic.

A private, anxious to secure a three-day pass, told his CO a heartwrenching tale about a sick wife pining away for him.

The officer, familiar with the soldier's ways, replied, "I am afraid you are not telling the truth. I have just received a letter from your wife urging me not to let you come home because you get drunk, break the furniture, and mistreat her shamefully."

The private saluted and started to leave the room. He paused at the door, asking: "Sir, may I speak to you, not as an officer, but man to man?"

"Yes; what is it?"

"Well, sir," the private said as he approached the captain and lowered his voice. "You and I are two of the biggest liars the Lord ever made. I'm not married...."

The sages of the general store were discussing the veracity of old Si Perkins when Uncle Bill Abbott ambled in.

"What do you think about it, Uncle Bill?" they asked him. "Would you call Si Perkins a liar?"

"Well," answered Uncle Bill slowly, as he thoughtfully studied the ceiling, "I don't know as I'd go so far as to call him a liar exactly, but I do know this much: when feedin' time comes, in order to get any response from his hogs, he has to get somebody else to call 'em for him."

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.

As they walk, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering!" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?"

" First Place!," said Snow White.

They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world."

"I'm entering," says Superman.

After half an hour, he returns and they ask him how he did.

" First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"

They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"

Pinocchio enters. After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.

"What happened?" they asked.

Who's Obama?" asked Pinocchio.