Saturday, October 31, 2015

Happy Halloween

Q: What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?
A: “Trike or Treat”?

Q: What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A: A plumpkin.

Q: What does a witch use to keep her hair in place?
A: Scarespray!

Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q. Why can't a male ghost father babies?
A. Because he has a hollow weinie.

Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A. He didn't have a haunting license.

Q.  What do you call a dancing ghost?
A. Polka-haunt-us

Q. What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street?
A. Buckle your sheet belt!

 This Halloween, the only Candy I'm interested in swings from a pole.

 Thank goodness for Halloween. All of a sudden, the cobwebs in my house are decorations!

A few days after Halloween, Sally came home with a bad report card. Her mother asked why her grades were so low.

Sally answered, "Because everything is marked down for the holidays!"

Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, "Trick or treat . . . no thank you." ~ Rita Rudner

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.  Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.  He told them to knock it off and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in. 

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.  Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.  Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. 

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked. 

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. 

"Good," said the first bat, "Because I DIDN'T!"

10 Things That Sound Dirty On Halloween, But Aren't...
1. So...What'd you get in the sack?

2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!!!

3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!

4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks!

5. I got the best piece from that house.

6. Quit screwing around on the porch!!!

7. Stick your hand in and guess what you're feeling....

8. It was so full and heavy, I had to use TWO hands!!

9. They'll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.

10. I bobbed and bobbed, but couldn't get my mouth around it!


Old NFO said...

Good ones! :-)

Well Seasoned Fool said...

Don't quit your day job.

CenTexTim said...

NFO - thinks!

WSF - too late, by a couple of years... :-)