Daylight Savings Time has me so messed up that I didn't come up any DST-related jokes. Instead, here's some random ones.
"What’s wrong, Bubba?” asked the pastor.
“I need you to pray for my hearing,” replied Bubba.
The pastor put his hands on Bubba’s ears and prayed long and hard. When he was done he asked, “So, Bubba, how’s your hearing?”
“I don’t know,” said Bubba. “It ain’t until next week.”
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steam roller?
“Curses! Foil again!”
People say “Follow your dreams.”
So I went back to bed.
I had to take the batteries out of the carbon monoxide detector last night.
The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.
A mechanic accidentally swallowed some brake fluid and really liked the taste. Before he knew it, he'd polished off a whole bottle of the stuff.
His buddy George caught him sneaking a swig the next day.
"That stuff is dangerous," George said. "You've gotta give it up."
"Don't worry," the mechanic said, "I can stop any time I want."
The homeowner got into his grubbiest clothes on Saturday morning and set about all the chores he’d been putting off for weeks.
He’d cleaned the garage, pruned the hedge, and was halfway through mowing the lawn when a good-looking woman pulled up in the driveway and yelled out her car window, “Say, what do you charge for yard work?”
The fellow thought for a minute, then answered, “The lady who lives here lets me sleep with her.”
It's bad enough that Daylight Savings Time confuses us humans - like this democrat voter.
But it really messes up our four-legged friends.
Here's some advice for those of you who have recently retired.
And here's one for you poor souls who are still working.
Daylight Savings Time can also affect merchants.
And of course, it has consequences for those of us who enjoy the occasional adult beverage.
1 day ago