Sunday Funnies 2016.02.21

Yesterday was the republican primary in South Carolina and the democrat caucuses in Nevada. (results unknown at the time I'm writing this). Next week they trade places: republicans caucus in Nevada on Tuesday, democrats hold their primary in South Carolina on Saturday. (Don't ask me why it's done that way.)

After that it's Super Tuesday on March 1. When the dust settles on March 2 we should have a much clearer idea of who is where in the race for the White House.

Speaking of the 'race for the White House,' here is how many of us view it.

By now, most people are sick and tired of political ads and those damned robocalls.

There is, however, a segment of the population that enjoys the primaries. Late night comedians love them. It gives them material for their monologues.

"Ben & Jerry's ice cream wants to make a flavor inspired by Bernie Sanders. Whatever flavor it winds up being, we know Bernie will hate it for being too rich." –Jimmy Fallon

"Bernie Sanders has now passed Hillary Clinton in the polls. It's the first time anyone's ever been passed by a guy in a Prius." –Seth Meyers

"A new poll shows that Hillary Clinton is only six points ahead of Bernie Sanders. Today a very confident Hillary said, 'Oh, please. Like I'm going to lose the Democratic nomination to a left-wing senator nobody's ever heard of?'" –Conan O"Brien

"Hillary's lead in national polls is dwindling. I don't want to say Hillary is upset, but this morning she was spotted shouting into a volcano, 'You said we had a deal!'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Nearly 70 percent of Americans said a Trump presidency would make them 'anxious.' And 30 percent said a Trump presidency would make them 'Canadian.'" –Conan O'Brien

"A lot of people think that when the Republican field clears it will come down to Jeb Bush and Donald Trump. Kind of like the race between the tortoise and the bad hair." –Jimmy Fallon

"During a speech on Friday, Senator Ted Cruz said that if you walk up to someone and say 'Joe Biden,' the person will crack up laughing. Which is the same reaction you get if you say 'President Ted Cruz.” –Seth Meyers

"Jeb Bush admitted that he smoked a notable amount of pot in school. He said, 'You would too if your parents had named you 'Jeb.'" –Conan O'Brien

Personally, I think we should rename the whole name process. Instead of "elections" let's call them what they are - "auctions."