Fat Drunk and Stupid

Dean Wormer famously proclaimed in 'Animal House' that "fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life." 

A local San Antonio radio station has noted that San Antonio has been labeled as too fat, too drunk, and too stupid.

San Antonio is the fattest city in the country, and the third fattest in the world.

San Antonio is the seventh drunkest city in America. In Texas, it is behind only Austin (#5) and well ahead of Houston, Fort Worth, and Dallas.

Finally, the Alamo City comes in as the second-most stupid city in the nation, again leading all other Texas cities.

Once the results for fat, drunk, and stupid cities are tabulated, we have the following.

Fattest in the Country (must be all that good Mexican food and BBQ)

• San Antonio - 3
• Fort Worth - 4
• Dallas - 6
• Houston - 10

Drunkest in the Country (Shiner beer and Tito's Vodka - not to mention Republic Tequila)

• Austin - 5 (gee, there's a surprise)
• San Antonio - 7
• Houston - 47
• Fort Worth - 55
• Dallas - 77

Stupidest in the Country (I can't speak to DFW - the Dallas mayoral election does not specify a party affiliation - but San Antonio and Houston have democrap mayors. Just sayin' ...)

• San Antonio - 2
• Houston - 4
• Dallas/Fort Worth - 15 

 In short, there's no doubt that San Antonio wins the Homer Simpson trifecta. Woo-hoo!!!

 

At this point I'd like to make it clear that I do not live in San Antonio. I merely drive through it to/from work and home. I live in a small town that without a doubt would not rank anywhere near the fattest, drunkest, and stupidest cities in the country. At least not when I'm working out of town...