FOD In Pictures

In honor of the original FOD

Sunday Funnies

This weekend we celebrate the nonsense that is Daylight Savings Time. Like most things the government mandates, the name is a misnomer. We don't 'save' any daylight. We just artificially move it from one category (p.m.) to another (a.m.).

Kind of like Social Security...

Daylight Savings Time went into effect at 2:00 a.m. today. One of my co-workers is an Aggie. Every year this normally punctual person arrives late to work the Monday after the time change. I finally had to find out why.

"Do you have a problem remembering to spring forward or fall back?" I asked.

"Oh, no," she said, pouring herself a cup of coffee. "What gets to me is staying up until 2 a.m. to change my clock."

Body clock disrupted by 'falling back'? Stay in bed

Daylight saving time ends this weekend. At 2 a.m. Sunday, the clock falls back one hour. While most of us plan to embrace that blessed hour (by sleeping right through it), the time change can throw a few people for a loop.

“They won’t be sleep-deprived, but it’ll hurt their ability to shift their body clock,” said Dr. Alfred Lewy, a professor of psychiatry at the Oregon Health and Science University.

“It might take a couple of days. For some it takes up to a week to shift,” Lewy said. “There are research papers that show that traffic accidents increase up to a week after the changes both in the fall and spring. It’s kind of like having jet lag.”

To avoid having your body clock disrupted, Lewy’s advice is simple: “Even if you can’t sleep an extra hour, stay in bed with your eyes closed. If you want to get up, don’t go outdoors. Draw the blinds and don’t have lots of sunlight come into house.”  This could help your body adjust to the time change.

They Still Don't Get It

A short compilation of what liberal commentators are saying regarding the election results.

From Graydon Carter, editor of Vanity Fair:

...The general anti-Obama rage out there is palpable. But it’s no more virulent than the anti-Bush sentiment that has pervaded the country for much of the past decade—although this being America, there’s an attendant hatred for Obama that has more to do with race than anything else. What makes today’s fury more worrying is the fact that angry right-wing extremists tend to carry guns in disproportionate numbers to their liberal counterparts.

Ah yes, we're all gun-toting racists. The election has nothing at all to do with his policies. It's all about the color of his skin. And of course it must be us angry right-wing extremists who are shooting up Marine facilities to vent our rage. After all, the Marines are natural targets for the anti-obama crowd.

Then there's MSNBC anchor Dylan Ratigan (and what could be a more descriptive term for MSNBC commentators than "anchor," seeing as how the network's ratings are sinking like an anvil in water):

...during a November 3 segment with Nicolle Wallace, the former George W. Bush staffer told Ratigan that Tea Partiers who fueled last night's electoral shakeup were furious at the direction of the country the past few years.

Ratigan's reply:

"The Tea Partier burns themselves in the town square and then tries to burn the whole town down, because they’re so pissed off. [It] gratifies their anger. Yee ha! You’re mad, you just killed everybody!"

"I’m mad, I’m using it to motivate me to work 18-hour days to try to first propagate the information properly and secondarily organize around it. So while I would say the emotional origin is similar, the manifestation instead of being destroy the country, destroy myself, which is what the Tea Party in my view has become, where the anger is just converted into destruction, that the anger can be converted into construction."

I guess I missed the news stories about Tea Party members setting themselves and surrounding buildings on fire while rioting, looting, and destroying everything in their path.

And while we're on the subject of MSNBC, I'd like to give a shout-out to my buddy Keith Olbermann. Way to put your money where your mouth is, Keith.

Finally, we have Bill Press, host of a liberal radio show (hey, I was as surprised as you are to find out one exists).

Bill Press says what most liberals in the media will only shroud in cryptic code: the voters who swept Democrats out of power in the House are stupid.

During the first hour of his eponymous radio program today, Press wished more liberal politicians would just say what they really think about the constituents they ostensibly serve: "Just once – probably never get reelected if you ever said it – I would like to hear somebody say, 'The voters have spoken, the bastards.'"

The left-wing talk show host suggested a few variations of the insult:

"Or, 'The voters have spoken. What a bunch of idiots.'"

"The voters have spoken. God, they're dumb. Dumb as hell."

They were so much smarter two years ago, right Bill? I wonder how they got so dumb in a short 24 months.

Liberals in the media have repeatedly made the case that the Democrats's dismal approving ratings can be attributed to poor messaging, not that the voters get the message loud and clear but reject the liberal agenda behind it.

Some have taken this argument a step further, arguing that congressional Democrats have languished because their agenda hasn't been liberal enough. But Press is one of those special liberals in the media who cuts through this circuitous argument and tells it like it is: the voters reject liberalism simply because they are knuckle-dragging Neanderthals.

Well, that's enough for now. I've got to go read my Bible and clean my guns ... oh yeah, and gloat...

Friday Follies Happy Hour

Let's celebrate the results of the Nov. 2 election by Dancing in the Streets!



Boogie down, y'all...

Ah, Irony - Delicious, Delicious Irony

You just can't make this stuff up.

Citing health overhaul, AARP hikes employee costs

AARP's endorsement helped secure passage of President Barack Obama's health care overhaul. Now the seniors' lobby is telling its employees their insurance costs will rise partly as a result of the law.

In an e-mail to employees, AARP says health care premiums will increase by 8 percent to 13 percent next year because of rapidly rising medical costs.

And AARP adds that it's changing copayments and deductibles to avoid a 40 percent tax on high-cost health plans that takes effect in 2018 under the law. Aerospace giant Boeing also has cited the tax in asking its workers to pay more. Shifting costs to employees lowers the value of a health care plan and acts like an escape hatch from the tax.

Although the tax on so-called "Cadillac" health care plans doesn't take effect for years, employers are already beginning to assess their potential exposure because it is hefty: at 40 percent of the value above $10,200 for individual coverage and $27,500 for a family plan. The tax is intended as a savings measure, to prod employers and workers into more cost-efficient plans.

In the real world, "more cost-efficient" means less coverage and more cost for the individual. I'm still puzzled why plans that have low premiums and co-pays are considered evil by the government. Yes, I know that the company picks up the difference, but why does 'improving' health care shift those costs to the individual? They damn sure aren't going away - some one has to pay them. I guess I'm just one of those voters who are too dumb to understand the benefits that obama and his cohorts are providing. 

AARP warned its employees that more cost-shifting could be in store. "AARP intends to make similar changes, as necessary, in the future to avoid the (health plan) tax," said Hodges' e-mail.

The Law of Unintended Consequences strikes again...

Good Guys 3, Bad Guys 0

A homeowner shot and killed one intruder and gravely injured another after a group of knife-wielding men kicked in the man's door early Wednesday, police said.

Cresencio Briones, 37, told police four combative men showed up outside his home in the 500 block of Creath Place around 1:30 a.m. looking for someone who was allegedly staying at the house.

A witness told police one of the men said he'd recently been released from prison and didn't care if he went back, according to a police incident report. 

Wish granted. 

Moments later, the witness saw him (one of the combative men) kick in the door and enter the home alongside Rene Zapata, 19, who was holding a knife

Briones fired multiple shots from inside the home with a .38 caliber handgun. 

Poor choice of caliber, but good aim. (Why do Marines use a .45 caliber handgun? Because they don't make a .46.)

When police arrived several minutes later they found Zapata lying in the living room with a gunshot wound to his upper chest and a knife by his side, the report states. He was pronounced dead at the scene shortly after.

Police apprehended Roger Alex Sosa, 38, several few blocks away, the report states. He had a gunshot wound to his neck that exited through his cheek. Sosa was taken into custody and charged with burglary of habitation with intent to commit assault. Released from University Hospital Wednesday, he was being held at the Bexar County Jail on a $100,000 bond, authorities said.

A third suspect, who remains unidentified, was also apprehended as he ran down a nearby street after the shooting. He was also charged with burglary of a habitation with intent to commit assault, the report states.

Police said Briones is not expected to face charges.

This is why elections are important. Texas has a 'concealed carry' law and a 'castle doctrine' law. The net effect of these two laws is to give legal cover to individuals who use firearms in self-defense. The alternative is not worth contemplating. For affirmation please see what people have to say who are much more qualified than I (and please forgive the tortured syntax).

Wednesday's shooting was the third time a San Antonio homeowner killed an intruder in recent weeks.

Woo-hoo!!!

Police consider all three cases to be self defense and none have been charged. 

Woo-hoo!!!  Woo-hoo!!!

On Oct. 19 Toni Hanes, 50, awoke to the sound of her bedroom door being kicked in around 3:30 a.m. in the 4800 block of Castle Path Drive, police said. She grabbed a handgun from under her pillow and fired multiple shots at an acquaintance, Guadalupe Rolando Valenzuela, 28, who fled and was found dead in a neighbor's yard shortly after.

Two days later, a 19-year-old man fatally stabbed a still-unidentified man who broke into his South Side home, authorities said. The teen was alone in his family's home in the 2100 block of Mission Verde around 10:30 a.m. when two men kicked in his front door, police said. After firing several shots the young man tried to detain one of them, leading to a struggle in which the youth stabbed the man once in the chest, police said.

Authorities in the district attorney's office signaled that the teen is unlikely to face charges. The suspect died at the scene and remains unidentified, according to the Bexar County medical examiner's office.

Woo-hoo!!!  Woo-hoo!!! Woo-hoo!!!

Thank you NRA. Thank you TSRA.

Lets Kill All The Lawyers

Law schools are manufacturing more lawyers than America needs, and law students aren't happy about it.

During the recession, the logic was ubiquitous: The economy is terrible—better to wait it out! It is a three-year fast track to a remunerative, respectable career! It's not just learning a subject—it's learning how to think! Law school, always the safe choice, became a more popular choice. Between 2007 and 2009, the number of LSAT takers climbed 20.5 percent. Law school applications increased in turn. 

But now a number of recent or current law students are saying—or screaming—that they made a mistake. They went to law school, they say, and now they're underemployed or jobless, in debt, and three years older.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Serves those parasitic bloodsuckers right. Now if only there was some way to drag down the rest of 'em.

(Some students have gone), perhaps inevitably, to the courts. Kenneth Desornes, for instance, named his law school in his bankruptcy filing. He asks the school to "admit that your business knew or should have known that Plaintiff would be in no position to repay those loans."

Like sharks eating their young.

The students might be litigious—no surprise there—and overwrought. But they've got a point. The demand for lawyers has fallen off a cliff, both due to the short-term crisis of the recession and long-term changes to the industry, and is only starting to rebound. The lawyers that do have jobs are making less than they used to.

Students simply "cannot earn enough income after graduation to support the debt they incur," wrote Richard Matasar, the dean of New York Law School, in 2005. "Even those making the highest salaries find that the debt that they have accumulated while in school may tax them for years."

Many have long argued that lawyers are a drag on society and the economy.

Dan Quayle voiced it back in 1991.

Q. Why does New Jersey have so much industrial waste and Washington, D.C., so many lawyers?

A. New Jersey had first choice.

William Shakespeare beat him by about 300 years.

"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." (Henry VI, Part 2, Act 4, Scene 2). 

Even the Anointed One (now resting up from all that golf on a $200 million per day vacation) acknowledges that lawyers are counterproductive.

"I wish the country had fewer lawyers and more engineers." (Quote from "The Audacity of Hope," p. 10) 

Irony alert - this from an idiot who chose to be a lawyer, who married a lawyer, and who was a law school instructor. Nice to know he (a) has the courage of his convictions, (b) learns from his mistakes, or (c) none of the above.

Early in his successful (!!!) campaign for the U.S. Senate, Rand Paul quoted Thomas Jefferson:

"If the present Congress errs in too much talking, how can it be otherwise in a body to which the people send one hundred and fifty lawyers, whose trade it is to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour? "

Paul went on to point out that 36% of congresscritters were lawyers, a fact that helps explain (1) why it's so ineffective, and (2) why it's held in disdain by so many Americans. 

There's an old joke about a lawyer living in a small town and going broke. Then a second lawyer moves to town and they both get rich.

Sad but true.

If you've ever watched daytime TV, and you have an ounce of integrity and self-respect, then your stomach must have been turned by all the ads for lawyers.

Any doubts? Go here and then here and decide for yourself.

There are many lawyer jokes (What's wrong with lawyer jokes? Lawyers don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes), but here's one of my favorites.

A grade school teacher asks  her students what their parents do for a living.

Billy proudly stands up and announces, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."

The teacher is aghast and promptly changes the subject. Later that day, she calls Billy's mother and explains what Billy said.

Billy's mother says, "Actually, his father's an attorney, but how can we explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

And another:

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer, and an old drunk were walking along when they simultaneously spotted a hundred-dollar bill laying in the street. Who gets it?

The old drunk, of course. The other three are mythological creatures.

Don't Piss It Away

I've lived in Texas long enough to have experienced several oil boom-and-bust cycles.Several years ago during the last one a popular bumper sticker read "Please lord, give us another oil boom. We promise not to piss it away this time."

Republicans, take heed...

The Cowboys Really, Really Suck

The Texas State Police are cracking down on speeders heading into Dallas .
For the first offense, they give you 2 Dallas Cowboy tickets.
If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Dallas Cowboys

Q. What do the Dallas Cowboys and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".

Q. How do you keep a Dallas Cowboy out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal post.

 Q. What do you call a Dallas Cowboy with a Super Bowl ring?
A. Old

Q. What's the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. Nobody remembers.

Q. What do the Cowboys and a possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

(Click to embiggen.)

Horse = Gun

Horse riding teen suspended from school

Hamilton-Wenham Regional High School Senior Dan Depaolis, dressed in medieval garb, rode a horse into the school's parking lot as part of spirit week.

What he, and his parents, thought was a good-natured stunt, the school deemed dangerous. Depaolis was suspended from school for two days.

The father tells FOX25 the school compared the stunt to bringing a “loaded firearm” to school...

The school would not comment, saying that they do not talk about any aspect of student discipline.

The family says they plan to contest the suspension.

The horse was brought in on a trailer. The kid rode it around in the parking lot, then loaded it back on the trailer. That's a far cry from bringing a loaded weapon to class.

I weep for the demise of our friend Common Sense...

Crush 'Em

I apologize in advance for the sexist nature of the link below. I have a mother (deceased), a wife, and a daughter. I believe in what I call enlightened equality of the sexes. However...

The following link is one of those things that, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel, you just can't turn away from.

But the main reason I'm posting it is that I hope it's a parable for today's elections. The woman represents the Tea Party, Libertarians, and other assorted good guys, while the cans and other objects represent the 'old guard' politicians, both dems and repubs.  

Just call her the Crusher...

Don't Take Any Chances

It is critically important that there is a high enough turnout on Election Day of Tea Party and republican voters to overcome the 'margin of corruption' in close races.

In 2005, the U.S. Government Accountability Office found that up to 3 percent of the 30,000 individuals called for jury duty from voter registration rolls over a two-year period in just one U.S. district court were not U.S. citizens.

While that may not seem like many, just 3 percent of registered voters would have been more than enough to provide the winning presidential vote margin in Florida in 2000.

The evidence is indisputable that aliens, both legal and illegal, are registering and voting in federal, state, and local elections. Following a mayor's race in Compton, California, for example, aliens testified under oath in court that they voted in the election. The fact that non-citizens registered and voted in the election would never have been discovered except for the fact that it was a very close election and the incumbent mayor, who lost by less than 300 votes, contested it.

Non-citizen voting is likely growing at the same rate as the alien population in the United States; but because of deficiencies in state law and the failure of federal agencies to comply with federal law, there are almost no procedures in place that allow election officials to detect, deter, and prevent non-citizens from registering and voting. Instead, officials are largely dependent on an "honor system" that expects aliens to follow the law. There are numerous cases showing the failure of this honor system.

Honor system? The democraps have no honor.

Don't think a 'small' number of illegal aliens is a problem? Check out the following.

A federal appeals court has ruled against an Arizona law that requires residents to prove their U.S. citizenship to register to vote, but upheld a part of the same law that mandates residents to show identification before voting.

So according to the court a potential voter must show some form of identification - for example, a utility bill !?!?! - but doesn't have to prove citizenship. GMAFB.

The decision was handed down by the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco. That explains quite a bit. 

"The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals has struck down a simple, common sense protection approved by Arizona voters requiring that all individuals provide evidence of U.S. citizenship prior to registering to vote. This decision is an outrage and a slap in the face to all Arizonans who care about the integrity of their elections..."

Then we have this.

When Maria Gianni is knocking on voters' doors, she's not bashful about telling people she is in the country illegally. She knows it's a risk to advertise to strangers that she's here illegally -- but one worth taking in what she sees as a crucial election.

The 42-year-old is one of dozens of volunteers -- many of them illegal immigrants -- canvassing neighborhoods in the Seattle area trying to get naturalized citizens to cast a ballot for candidates like Democratic Sen. Patty Murray, who is in a neck-and-neck race with Republican Dino Rossi.

Pramila Jayapal, head of OneAmerica Votes, says the campaign is about empowering immigrants who may not feel like they can contribute to a campaign because they can't vote.

"Immigrants really do matter," Jayapal said. "If we can't vote ourselves, we're gonna knock on doors, or get family members to vote."

In close elections across the country, the immigrant and minority vote is considered key for candidates, especially Democrats.

"In order for there to be a change to our broken immigration system," she said, "I believe one has to fight."

OUR!?!?!

And this.

... in a 2006 congressional race in southern California between Republican Brian Bilbray and Democrat Francine Busby, Busby told a room full of illegal  aliens that they didn't need "papers" — meaning identification — to vote. Thank goodness it was recorded and played on talk radio shows across the nation. Busby lost because she got caught saying what many other Democrats may tell illegal aliens.

A recent study released by the conservative think-tank the Heritage Foundation provides proof that illegal aliens and immigrants with green cards are committing rampant voter fraud in the United States.

Many government officials — mostly liberals — claim that illegal aliens voting is not a major problem. Conservative activists respond that while the potential number identified may be small, an election can be decided by a few votes. In 2000, the presidential race between Democrat Al Gore and Republican George W. Bush was decided by a few hundred votes in Florida.

And finally this, perhaps the most disgraceful manifestation of cheap, underhanded, dirty political tricks I've ever seen.

When Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr. installed Thomas E. Perez as assistant attorney general for the Civil Rights Division, he emphasized the importance of being ready to confront 21st-century issues and doing so in a timely manner. He warned his new assistant, "The quest for justice must be an impatient thing - for we all know what happens when justice is delayed. So I am an impatient attorney general."

Military voters know what happens when justice is delayed.

Notwithstanding overwhelming evidence in 2008 that military voters needed at least 45 days to receive and return their absentee ballots, the Voting Section of the Civil Rights Division stood by as more than 20 states failed to provide military voters with sufficient time to vote. This failure alone cost thousands of military members the right to vote.

Thousands more may suffer the same fate in 2010 despite congressional efforts to modernize military vote law. The Military and Overseas Voter Empowerment Act (MOVE Act), which was passed in 2009, was the most significant voter reform in 25 years. At its core, the law requires states to mail absentee ballots at least 45 days before an election and requires states to use electronic delivery mechanisms to expedite the delivery of absentee ballots to military members.

Now, 10 months after its passage, nearly one-third of the states have failed to implement one or more of the key provisions of the MOVE Act. At least 11 states (Hawaii, New York, Delaware, Alaska, Washington, Maryland, Massachusetts, Wisconsin, Rhode Island, New Hampshire and Colorado) and the District of Columbia have not implemented the 45-day deadline for mailing absentee ballots. At least five states (Alabama, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Missouri and New Hampshire) have not implemented the electronic-delivery requirement under the MOVE Act.

For its part, the Voting Section appears to be in no hurry to enforce the new law and, more problematic, appears to be hiding how many states have failed to comply fully with the MOVE Act.

This latter point was evident in a recent letter to Sen. John Cornyn, Texas Republican. While the letter repeatedly emphasized the department's commitment to enforce the law, it avoided Mr. Cornyn's specific request to identify noncompliant states. Nor did the letter answer Mr. Cornyn's question about the department's plan to ensure full compliance with the MOVE Act. Instead, the department promised to meet with Mr. Cornyn at a future date.

Given Holder's lack of action on clear-cut cases of voter intimidation by liberals against conservatives, is it any surprise that the justice dept. is dragging its feet when it comes to military absentee ballots, giiven that most of them tend to go conservative?

Our military can't vote. Illegal aliens and prisoners can.

2,600 inmates in more than 35 various Illinois Counties received applications and ballots to vote for the 2010 Midterm Elections at their jail.  The applications and ballots were delivered by-hand from the Chicago Board of Elections.  Of course, anything Chicago equates to all things Democrat.

The contrast was mentioned, naturally, that the numbers of inmates receiving applications and ballots to assist them in voting are approximately the same number of servicemen and servicewomen in foreign countries who will most likely not be able to vote since Illinois sent the ballots out late.  It was also mentioned that, by law, incarcerated persons are not supposed to vote.

Hand delivered by democrap officials to people who, by law, are not allowed to vote. ARRGGGHHHH!!!!!

Bottom line - we know they're gonna cheat, so we have to get enough legal, valid, and incontrovertible votes to beat them no matter what.

Get out there and vote early and often...

Adding Insult To Injury

Cleaning out a few old files unearthed the following examples of adding insult to injury. The amazing thing is that all these stories appeared on the same day (May 27, 2010).

The stories speak for themselves. Any additional comment would be superfluous...

Swimmer drowned; sunbather injured as rescuers accidentally run him over with SUV

The summer beach season got off to a deadly and calamitous start yesterday as a Brooklyn man drowned at  Long Beach and authorities racing to help another swimmer accidentally ran over a sunbather, crushing his spine.

Witnesses say the driver of the police SUV had no clue he had run over the  sunbather until he was flagged down by beachgoers. The victim was taken to a nearby hospital and said to have a broken spine and rib.

Family asked to pay for car damage after dog run over

A car insurer has asked a Canadian family to pay for repairing a broken bumper after their dog was struck by the vehicle and died, local media said Thursday.

The traffic accident occurred in March while Jake, a 12-year-old yellow Labrador, was out for his daily stroll around a quiet neighborhood in Aurora, Ontario, north of Toronto.

Kim Flemming had let the dog out when she arrived home from work. Moments later, a man knocked on the door to say a car had run over Jake.

Two months later, the family received a bill in the mail for 1,732.80 Canadian dollars (1,648.95 US) from State Farm Insurance.

The letter said Flemming had been found responsible for damage to the vehicle. "As such, we are looking to you for reimbursement," it reportedly stated.

State Farm spokesman John Bordignon told the Star: "They could have made sure their dog wasn't free on the roadway."

A local bylaw requires pets to be on a leash when off the owner's property, but the Flemmings said Jake had become accustomed to roaming outside the family's home.

Swedish court convicts dead man for assault

A 26-year-old man was tried on charges assault in Stockholm district court on May 27th 2009. While the court found him not guilty the prosecutor elected to appeal the case.

When the date for the hearing arrived, on April 19th 2010, the court concluded after a delay that the defendant would not be attending, but it was decided that the matter could be dealt with in absentia.

The Svea Court of Appeal overturned the district court ruling and found the man guilty of assault, issuing a fine of 15,000 ($1,886) and setting a deadline date for an appeal of May 24th.

But information submitted to the court after the hearing indicates that an appeal is not to be expected as the convicted man died on March 25th 2010.

"Now the appeals court has in the meantime convicted a deceased person, without any prior convictions, which existing rules do not allow," Malmö chief prosecutor Jörgen Lindberg writes in a letter appealing the court's ruling.

"In such circumstances the prosecutor should take the initiative to request this, in my view erroneous, conviction changed and the district court's ruling confirmed, or alternatively set aside."

More Texas Ghost Stories

The Menger Hotel is one of San Antonio's most treasured historical landmarks, rivaling even the Alamo. It was built before the Civil War, and has hosted such historical figures as Theodore Roosevelt, Babe Ruth, Mae West, Robert E. Lee, Ulysses S. Grant, Lily Langtry, and Sarah Bernhardt, to name just a few. In fact, Teddy Roosevelt recruited his Rough Riders in its historic bar.

More importantly on Halloween night, it's also well-known for its collection of ghosts.

So who are these souls traipsing the halls at the oldest continually operating hotel west of the Mississippi? Aside from a multitude of bumps in the night, kitchen utensils that transport themselves, and the presence of people (with no bodies to accompany them), they're the following stories:

Sallie White, murdered by her husband and buried at hotel expense by the Menger, has been seen walking in the hotel corridors, especially at night, for many years. She is clad in an old, long gray skirt with a bandana around her forehead and is generally carrying towels, which she never delivers.

Captain Richard King, founder of the King Ranch, appears now and then entering his room, the King Suite. He has been seen by many guests and employees of the hotel. The unusual thing is that he does not use the suite door, but goes directly through the wall. There was a door in the location where Captain King entered his suite many years ago.

A guest steps out of his shower and walks into the bedroom of the hotel. Standing by the bed is the figure of a man clad in a buckskin jacket and gray trousers. To further cloud the issue, this apparition is speaking to someone or something else in the room that cannot be seen. Buckskin asks the question "Are you gonna stay or are you gonna go?" three times.

A lady sits knitting in the original lobby of the Menger Hotel. She wears a dated blue dress and a beret with a tassel. Her glasses are small and metal framed. An employee asks "Are you comfortable...may I get you something?" The lady replies "no" in an unfriendly tone and disappears.

Why the Menger for these supernatural escapades? Built just steps from the battle of the Alamo and only 23 years after its bloody conclusion, the land lends itself to folklore.

And if that's not enough...

Many of us don't see dead people unless we're watching the 2010 Dallas Cowboys play. But the Menger Hotel has seen dead people come and go — and stay.

The same can be said about some of the Menger's otherworldly inhabitants. Opened in February 1859, the oldest hotel in San Antonio is also one of the most haunted places in the city, nearly as famous for its ghosts as it is for its mango ice cream, which has been known to make the dead come alive.

The sightings have been reported by Menger guests as well as employees.

Theodore Roosevelt recruited some of his Rough Riders from the Menger bar and is reported to have been seen over the years.

Richard King, founder of the King Ranch, was so fond of the hotel that one room was named the King Suite, and that's where he died in 1885. His funeral service was held in the hotel's front parlor, and he's been seen walking the hallways.

There's also the Lady in Blue who has been seen on the second floor.

Pointing to the elevator, Malacara tells the story of a woman working at the hotel who got on carrying a lot of things and asked a man already in the elevator to press a button for her floor. He disappeared.

The most well-known of the Menger's ghosts is Sallie White, a young chambermaid shot to death in the hotel by her husband on March 28, 1876. The hotel paid for her coffin and grave.

Sightings of Sallie, dressed in a full-length skirt and a bandanna around her head, in rooms and hallways, have been reported for decades.

The hotel's paranormal experiences include seeing images suddenly appear and then disappear; feeling cold spots; experiencing discomfort and fear for no reason; seeing television sets go on and off; and hearing a bell at the front desk ringing by itself even when it was disconnected.

Some images have been captured on film. For years a bust of Countess du Barry from the French Revolution was in front of a mirror on the second floor next to the Renaissance Room. It disappeared in the early 1980s.

Last year, a hotel guest snapped a photo of the mirror. Malacara pulls the picture out of a manila folder. In the mirror is the distinct image of a woman who closely resembles the countess.

In another photo, taken at 2 a.m. in the bar on Aug. 5, 2007, there's the outline of a woman — perhaps Sallie — as well as what appears to be the figures of men sitting at tables.

Well, it is a great bar. I wouldn't mind hanging out there after I've shuffled off this mortal coil...

Sunday Funnies

Happy Halloween!

A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers: "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be a Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child." said the nun, "Why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and a I'm a Baptist."

The nun says, "That's OK, I'm on the way to a Halloween party, and my name is Kevin."

The Devil's Backbone

Just in time for Halloween...

The Devil's Backbone is the the local name for a winding ridge that meanders between a couple of small Texas Hill Country towns (Wimberley and Blanco). It's flanked on both sides by a series of deep canyons and valleys. There's a two-lane state Ranch Road (RR 32) that follows the ridge most of the way.

Fog, mist, winds, and temperature variations are not unknown along the ridge. Rational people believe that these result from topographical and meteorological conditions arising from the sudden and severe elevation differences between the ridge and the canyons. Others, however, have a different explanation.

Residents sometimes hear stallions galloping through the darkened canyons. But no one has ever seen any horses. And when they check the ground later, there are no hoof prints.

Charlie Beatty has heard the horses, and more. He claims to have stumbled upon unexplained cold spots — patches of chilly air — in distant corners of his ranch. This has happened in mid-July.

Dozens of locals and passers-by, meanwhile, have reported ghostly sightings of Confederate soldiers, Apache chiefs and lost travelers on the roadside, in pastures and at their doorsteps. The apparitions always disappear when confronted.

“The legend of this area goes back hundreds of years,” says resident Bert Wall, who has written several books about the Devil's Backbone. “It was known to Apaches and Comanches, who viewed it as a spiritual area.”

The name comes from the Spanish term “Diablo Espinoza,” or “spiny devil.” Wall says it was a nickname given to an overbearing Spanish priest by his workers during the 1750s.

Given the setting and the stories that have been told since then, it appears the name “Devil's Backbone” is a classic example of foreshadowing.

While ghosts are reported all over the place, the Devil's Backbone Tavern, a narrow honky-tonk built on the site of ancient Indian campgrounds and the area's first stagecoach stop, is Spook Central.

Doors and windows fly open and shut, says bartender Melia Walker. Sallie Tate, another bartender, claims a large limestone doorstop rose off the ground by itself. Three weeks ago, when the widow of a regular patron was speaking ill of her late husband, a framed picture of him abruptly fell from the wall and hit her. Twice.

I've spent many an hour in the Devil's Backbone Tavern. Most of the bizarre things I've seen there can be attributed to customers - and the bartenders - being overserved.

Sometimes, when bartender Mary Johnson is closing the bar for the night, she says invisible hands will brush against her hair while she's sweeping.

“Will you guys knock it off?” she'll snap.

And, she says, they do.

At least until the next night.

It's easy to dismiss this as spiderwebs. In fact, given the age of the place and its general level of cleanliness, that's quite probable. But then again, alone in an eerie old place late on a dark moonless night, who knows...

Ghost Hunters of Texas has a short report and video, for what it's worth. 

For a slideshow that captures the essence of the Devil's Backbone Tavern, go here. In particular check out slides 10 (repaired bullet holes in the ceiling) and 13 (a hole in the floor where a bunch of drunks poured the ashes of a dead friend).

I'm not sure one way or the other. I think ol' Willie Shakespeare got it right:

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

"Hamlet", Act 1 scene 5

Friday Follies Happy Hour

It's been an absolute beast of a week - and I do not mean that in a good way.

But Friday's here at last, and I've got a feelin' I'll be spending some time in the ozone this weekend.



I couldn't find a decent video of Commander Cody and the band in their heyday, but at least the album cover will give you a flavor of what it was like back in the day.

For those unfortunates who never got to experience a Commander Cody concert live and in person, well, you have my condolences. As the old saying goes, you had to be there...

Fat Drunk and Stupid

Dean Wormer famously proclaimed in 'Animal House' that "fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life." 

A local San Antonio radio station has noted that San Antonio has been labeled as too fat, too drunk, and too stupid.

San Antonio is the fattest city in the country, and the third fattest in the world.

San Antonio is the seventh drunkest city in America. In Texas, it is behind only Austin (#5) and well ahead of Houston, Fort Worth, and Dallas.

Finally, the Alamo City comes in as the second-most stupid city in the nation, again leading all other Texas cities.

Once the results for fat, drunk, and stupid cities are tabulated, we have the following.

Fattest in the Country (must be all that good Mexican food and BBQ)

• San Antonio - 3
• Fort Worth - 4
• Dallas - 6
• Houston - 10

Drunkest in the Country (Shiner beer and Tito's Vodka - not to mention Republic Tequila)

• Austin - 5 (gee, there's a surprise)
• San Antonio - 7
• Houston - 47
• Fort Worth - 55
• Dallas - 77

Stupidest in the Country (I can't speak to DFW - the Dallas mayoral election does not specify a party affiliation - but San Antonio and Houston have democrap mayors. Just sayin' ...)

• San Antonio - 2
• Houston - 4
• Dallas/Fort Worth - 15 

 In short, there's no doubt that San Antonio wins the Homer Simpson trifecta. Woo-hoo!!!

 

At this point I'd like to make it clear that I do not live in San Antonio. I merely drive through it to/from work and home. I live in a small town that without a doubt would not rank anywhere near the fattest, drunkest, and stupidest cities in the country. At least not when I'm working out of town...

Fall Fail

Down here on the Texas-Mexico border where I work the high temperature yesterday was 95. Today it hit 97, and the forecast for tomorrow is 97.

My air conditioner has been working overtime and the little wheel on the electric meter is merrily spinning away.

By contrast, where I live in the Texas hill country (about 200 miles north of here and about 1000' higher in elevation) the high temperature for those same three days was in the low 80's. Who woulda thunk a couple of hundred miles would make such a big difference.

I'm sure that after Nov. 2 the climate will be much better.

And don't forget to recycle...

Booby Traps

A GGD post picturing a NSFW birthday cake triggered a faint memory about something I'd seen several months ago and set aside for a rainy blogging day. A little digging through my "use-in-case-of-brain-lock" file led to this.

Female suicide bombers are being fitted with exploding breast implants which are almost impossible to detect, British spies have reportedly discovered.

"Bond ... James Bond."

The shocking new al-Qaeda tactic involves radical doctors inserting the explosives in women's breasts during plastic surgery — making them "virtually impossible to detect by the usual airport scanning machines".

Hmmm ... "virtually impossible to detect by the usual airport scanning machines" ... that leads one to believe that some sort of manual search would be necessary ... volunteers, anyone?

MI5 has also discovered that extremists are inserting the explosives into the buttocks of some male suicide bombers.

 
Never mind.

Terrorist expert Joseph Farah claims: "Women suicide bombers recruited by al-Qaeda are known to have had the explosives inserted in their breasts under techniques similar to breast enhancing surgery."

The lethal explosives ... are inserted inside plastic shapes during the operation, before the breast is then sewn up.

... Britain's intelligence services began to pick up "chatter" emanating from Pakistan and Yemen that alerted MI5 to the creation of the lethal implants.

A hand-picked team investigated the threat which was described as "one that can circumvent our defence".

Top surgeons have confirmed the feasibility of the explosive implants.

One claimed: "Properly inserted the implant would be virtually impossible to detect by the usual airport scanning machines.

"You would need to subject a suspect to a sophisticated X-ray.

"Given that the explosive would be inserted in a sealed plastic sachet, and would be a small amount, would make it all the more impossible to spot it with the usual body scanner."

Explosive experts allegedly told MI5 that a sachet containing as little as five ounces of PETN could blow "a considerable hole" in an airline's skin, causing it to crash.

Well, at least this gives a guy an excuse to eyeball the babes as we board a plane.


And the gals can check out the men's tushes in the name of security.


Something for everyone...