He Gave A Hoot

Randy Burbach is - or rather, was - a volunteer football coach at a middle school in Corbett, Oregon. To celebrate a successful season, Burbach offered to treat the team to a season-ending party. Sounds pretty harmless and routine, right? He certainly didn't expect to wind up in the national spotlight and to be dismissed from his volunteer position.

But that's exactly what happened.

Of course, there's a little more to the story. The fly in the ointment was the location chosen for the party - the local Hooters 'breastaurant.'

For those of you who've never been to a Hooters, it's basically a PG sports bar. Waitresses wear tank tops and tight shorts. The outfits are a little tacky and slightly on the revealing side, but most middle-school boys have seen more skin on cable TV than is flashed by the Hooters waitresses. However, as might be expected, an outcry arose over exposing impressionable youth to the objectification and exploitation of women.

Corbett Middle School’s athletic director sent a letter to parents saying he didn’t support the decision because he feels Hooters objectifies women.

Despite opposition from the school, and the dismissal of Burbach from his coaching position, the party went on as planned - with one significant change.

Hooters stepped in and said they'd pay for the party, donate $1,000 to the Corbett Middle School sports program and contribute 20 percent of store revenues on Saturday as well.

The 23-member team wasn't fully represented Saturday. Some had other commitments, some chose not to come out of moral concerns, Burbach said. He said he respects those who didn't attend, for standing up for their values...

Corbett Middle School football players arrive at Hooters for the team party.

Speaking of values, I can understand the objections of those opposed to the location. I have a daughter, after all. But I was impressed by the thoughtfulness and maturity shown by some of the attendees.

"It's unfortunate that it came to this," (Constantine Leontescu, parent of one of the players) said, witnessing the media cameras hovering around the team. His family was initially surprised at the location, Leontescu said, and decided not to go. But they changed their mind. They had a family talk, he said.

The talk was about how (their son Matei), 14, needs to look at women, how he needs to respect women while in public. Leontescu wasn't concerned Saturday would change his son's life.

"He just wants to be with his teammates mainly and have a good time," he said.

Another parent had a similar outlook.

Michelle Rolens, the mother of one of the players and the co-president of Corbett youth football, said she was OK with her son going to Hooters for the unofficial trip.

"I feel like this has gotten totally blown out of proportion," she said on Tuesday. "I hope that if anything I've taught my kids that I'm a very strong woman. I'm the primary breadwinner in my house, and I don't find it offensive to go to Hooters and see a little skin."

Even if you object to how Hooters 'uses' women, don't you think it's better to have a frank, open discussion with your kids about it than to stick your head in the sand and pretend such places don't exist.

Besides, their wings are pretty good...

FOD 2013.11.18

From the "One picture is worth 1000 words" file:

(H/T BMEWS)

Just for fun, here's a few words to accompany the above picture - sort of like the cherry on top of the sundae.

Aside from the question of whether it is legal or right for the president to decide arbitrarily which elements of legislation to faithfully execute, it is also a sort of new way of ad hoc governing: The president grandly introduces a new piece of unworkable legislation, does not know or care much about the consequences of implementing it, demagogues the bill, demonizes the opposition, gets it passed, uses the passage for political purposes, and then waits to see what happens in the real world. (Source)

What a SCoaMF...

Oops

Today's bit of good news:

In a sickening video posted on YouTube, soldiers from the Syrian-based group Islamic State of Iraq and al-Sham (ISIS) were seen holding up the decapitated head of a soldier they believed was a supporter of President Bashar al-Assad.

But, after the footage was made public, the victim was recognised by an extremist as a fellow rebel fighter who had been wounded during a battle.

After an investigation the soldier was identified as Mohammed Fares, a commander of Ahrar al-Sham, a group who fight alongside the ISIS.

What's Arabic for "My bad..."?

The militant group tried to explain their error by referring to a story in which the prophet Mohammed said Allah would forgive a man who killed a believer by mistake.

Oh, well, if Allah says it's okay then it's not a problem ... except perhaps for the unfotunate Mr. Fares.

muslim terrorists proudly display the severed head of their comrade before an admiring throng. Notice that several 'people' are taking pictures, presumably for their personal enjoyment late at night when camels aren't available.

Sunday Funnies 2013.11.17

Hunting season is in full swing. Amongst the trophies on my wall is this plaque.

A group of deer hunters are in camp when they realize that they are running low on provisions.

The group appointed Joe to get supplies.

Joe went into the store and bought 10 bottles of whiskey, 12 cases of beer and 2 packages of hotdogs.

When he returned to the camp the group looked in his truck and they asked, "Joe, what in the world are we gonna do with all them damn hotdogs?"

It was Saturday morning and Bill, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Susan, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Bill asks her, "What are you up to?" Susan smiles and replies, "I'm going hunting with you!" Bill, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.

They arrive at the hunting site. Bill sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and shoot. I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Bill walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Susan couldn't bag an chicken, let alone a deer.

But not 15 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears several gunshots. Quickly, Bill starts running back to his wife's treestand. As Bill gets closer, he hears Susan screaming, "Get away from my deer!" Confused, Bill races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire.

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Bill is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, mam, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"

Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a French journalist and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one that killed my brother?' "

Nugent replied, "Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French.' "

The interview ended at that point.

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).

These boys will be dropped off in Afghanistan and have been given only the following facts about terrorists :

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the war to be over by Friday.

Late Night

Had a great time yesterday - a beautiful day, a nice round of golf, followed by a few beers at the clubhouse, followed by a few more beers at home on the back porch, followed by a few glasses of wine with dinner, followed by a few after-dinner drinks ... well, you get the idea.

Since it was a late night, I though it would be only appropriate to post a few late-night comments about the fluster-cluck known as obamacare.

"Yesterday at the White House, President Obama met with various leaders of the American Indian tribes. He promised them, 'If you like your medicine man, you can keep your medicine man.'" –Jay Leno

"According to a new report, over a million Californians are losing their health insurance due to Obamacare. In fact, some are so angry they have already gone back to Mexico." –Jay Leno

"You know that smiling woman who was featured on the home page of Healthcare.gov? She asked for her picture to be removed after she was cyber-bullied. She's hiding where nobody can see her – at Healthcare.gov." –Jay Leno

"It seems like everyone's still pretty upset about this Obamacare website. The Department of Health and Human Services emailed 275,000 Americans, encouraging them to give the Obamacare website another try. Then they said 'But one at a time, so it doesn't crash again.'" –Jimmy Fallon

More from Leno:

"The president said yesterday that if it's taking too long and you're having trouble you can bypass the website and enroll by mail. Only the federal government could come up with a website that's slower than sending something by mail.

...he (Leno) doesn’t buy that the site’s glitches will be fixed in a few weeks. “When was the last time the government fixed anything in a few weeks? We still have troops in Korea.”

Friday Follies Happy Hour 2013.11.15

Today was one of those absolutely drop dead gorgeous Texas autumn days. Bluebird sky without a cloud in sight ... crisp temperature with a sun that made it comfortable enough to play 18 holes in shorts and a polo shirt (it's good to be retired!) ... and for some reason the drink cart girl hovered around our foursome all day.

I just can't imagine living anywhere else...

The TopTen reasons I Didn't Sign Up For obamacare

I have neither the patience nor the tolerance for doublespeak, deception, and dissembling that would enable me to watch president pants-on-fire's press conference today where he proclaimed a short-term 'fix' of dubious legality to the abominable piece of crap legislation that will be his legacy.

Rather, being a simple man of simple interests, I chose to go the low-brow approach and post the Top Ten reasons I didn't sign up for obamacare.

10. There was no app for that.

9. Still waiting on my free Obamaphone.

8. Link was from a Nigerian prince.

7. Got suspicious when it asked for payment in doubloons.

6. They used Comic Sans.

5. Couldn’t remember my underwear size when they asked.

4. No cats.

3. Website made by Canadians.

2. Panda Cam came back online.

And the Number 1 reason I Didn't Sign Up For Obamacare...

1. Obama didn’t!

Options

A few days ago Harper, commenting on the obamacare debacle, asked:

"Where do we go from here?  "Here" being the smoldering scene of the Obamacare train wreck."

She went on to say:

"Why don't we have a countermeasure ready to deploy?  Why have we spent the better part of over three years, just bitching about a law without coming up with something better?"

That got me to thinking along the same line - why haven't the republicans offered any alternatives?

It turns out they have. We just haven't been paying attention.

Or, more likely, we've been brainwashed by the media's endless parroting of the obama party line.

obama and the democrats, aided and abetted by their allies in the media, have been able to perpetuate the myth that republicans are interested only in repealing obamacare, without offering any alternatives or replacement plans.

Like so many other statements uttered by barry and his political hacks, that's an outright lie.

In fact, during the 2008 presidential campaign John McCain offered a version of health care reform that obama ridiculed back then, but that today seems like a stroke of genius when compared to the nightmare that is obamacare.

McCain's plan revolved around considering employer-provided health insurance as a form of compensation, which it clearly is. As such, it would become taxable income. To compensate for that, people would get a tax credit for health care premiums. We would also be allowed to cross state lines when shopping for health insurance, which is now forbidden. That would introduce elements of the free market into the health care equation. The competition would decrease costs and increase quality.

That plan was the basis for the Patient's Choice Act, sponsored by Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) and Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wisc.). The Act also addressed concerns about portability and pre-existing conditions. It eliminated favoritism (no waivers for unions and other politically connected groups or firms) and minimized bureaucracy (it was only 56 pages long). It was a well thought out alternative to obamacare based on sound economic foundations and equitable treatment for all. It was introduced in Congress in 2009, before obamacare passed, but unfortunately was killed in committee.

A more recent alternative has emerged from the Republican Study Committee. The American Health Care Reform Act is intended to lower health care costs by relying on free market principles. More specifically, it has seven main objectives:

• Fully repeals President Obama's health care law, eliminating billions in taxes and thousands of pages of unworkable regulations and mandates that are driving up health care costs.
• Spurs competition to lower health care costs by allowing Americans to purchase health insurance across state lines and enabling small businesses to pool together and get the same buying power as large corporations.
• Reforms medical malpractice laws in a common sense way that limits trial lawyer fees and non-economic damages while maintaining strong protections for patients.
• Provides tax reform that allows families and individuals to deduct health care costs, just like companies, leveling the playing field and providing all Americans with a standard deduction for health insurance.
• Expands access to Health Savings Accounts (HSAs), increasing the amount of pre-tax dollars individuals can deposit into portable savings accounts to be used for health care expenses.
• Safeguards individuals with pre-existing conditions from being discriminated against purchasing health insurance by bolstering state-based high risk pools and extending HIPAA guaranteed availability protections.
• Protects the unborn by ensuring no federal funding of abortions.

So why haven't we heard of these alternatives to obamacare? The obvious answer is that the media has bought hook, line, and sinker into obama's message that republicans are only interested in repealing obamacare without offering any other solutions. A secondary reason is that the republicans lack a national spokesman with the presence to command media attention. Who speaks for the GOP? John Boehner? John McCain? Chris Christie? Rand Paul? Marco Rubio? Puh-leaze...

The republicans need to get their act together and agree on a common message related to health care. Then they need to go out and relentlessly hammer that message home every chance they get. Otherwise they'll find themselves in the familiar position of winning the battle of ideas but losing the PR war.

And we'll be stuck with obamacare for the rest of our increasingly short and feeble lives...

Men Are Pigs - 2013.11.13

Ladies, please note: the following do not reflect the thoughts or opinions of the management here at Bergheim Follies. We have just reposted them to provide further evidence that men are, in fact, politically incorrect pigs.

Albeit pigs with a sense of humor...

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
  
The wife suggested I get  myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25, and her  name's  Kathy.

Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me,  just  because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."

The cost of living has now  gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford  batteries.

A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

I was  explaining to my wife last  night that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a  different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said,  "You obviously haven't been  listening."

My wife has been missing a week now. The  police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.

What Do Whores And obamacare Have In Common?

Finally, after an extensive search, we here at Bergheim Follies have uncovered a segment of the population that enthusiastically endorses obamacare.

Does it matter that they're whores?

A burlesque dancer dressed as a nurse taunts her co-performer with a toy syringe, dangling the medicine seductively in an act that's meant to reflect the cat-and-mouse game of U.S. healthcare. They shimmy and eventually end up topless.

The risqué performance was part of an Obamacare registration drive last week in San Francisco, dubbed the "Healthy Ho's Party."

In the all-cash, off-the-books sex industry, workers can be particularly high risk and insurance is often out of reach. Many sex workers -- a broad term that can refer to a number of services, including sexual massage, prostitution, and escort and dominatrix work -- consider themselves self-employed entrepreneurs who can't afford to purchase healthcare. But that could all change with the Affordable Care Act.

One of the reasons those ho's are happy with obamacare: enrollment doesn't require people to disclose what they do for a living. Since most sex workers under-report their income, they will for the most part be getting subsidies for their policies.

Individuals making less than $46,000 are eligible for a tax credit to offset their monthly costs. Many of the sex workers at the event file W-2s for their legal work, whether it be a part-time job or sex work that falls within the law. Sex workers interviewed by CNNMoney estimated this income to be less than $45,000 a year.

One of the sex workers interviewed said she'd be receiving a credit of $211 a month.

In other words, healthy young people who are already subsidizing unhealthy older people will also be helping provide hookers with cheap health insurance.

Q: What do whores and obamacare have in common?

A: They both screw the American public.

Placeholder

Out of town company + yesterday's Veterans Day celebration and cookout + today's early tee time = this chintzy post.

Check back this evening for one with (hopefully) more substance...

Veterans Day 2013

Today is Veterans Day.

World War I – known at the time as “The Great War” - officially ended when the Treaty of Versailles was signed on June 28, 1919, in the Palace of Versailles outside the town of Versailles, France. However, fighting ceased seven months earlier when an armistice, or temporary cessation of hostilities, between the Allied nations and Germany went into effect on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month. For that reason, November 11, 1918, is generally regarded as the end of “the war to end all wars.”

In November 1919, President Wilson proclaimed November 11 as the first commemoration of Armistice Day with the following words: "To us in America, the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with solemn pride in the heroism of those who died in the country’s service and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of the nations…"

 In 1954 Congress changed the name of the holiday from Armistice Day to Veterans Day to honor American veterans of all wars.

Please celebrate Veterans Day today by flying our flag, thanking a veteran, or flipping off an obama supporter...

FOD 2013.11.11

Today's post is a two-fer, honoring veterans on this Veteran's Day while at the same time illustrating the incompetence of obama and his crew of stooges. (Source material from here. Reformatting by yours truly.)

Sunday Funnies 2013.11.10

Today is the 238th birthday of the United States Marine Corps.

Heartfelt thanks to all leathernecks - past, present, and future.

Two widows are talking at the bowling alley.

Martha says, “That nice George Johnson, the retired Marine, asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.”

Edna: “Well, I’ll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M. Dressed up like such a gentleman in a fine suit. And he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs and what’s there but a beautiful car. . . a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.

Then he takes me out for dinner… a marvelous dinner. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Martha, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!

So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL!!! Completely crazy. He tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times! I wouldn’t have expected that sort of behavior from a retired Marine!”

Martha: “Goodness gracious! . . so you are telling me I shouldn’t go out with him?

Edna: “No . . . I’m just saying, wear an old dress.”

One day, three O-6s were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large, raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.

The Air Force Colonel called out to God, praying, “Please God, give me the strength to cross this river. “POOF!” God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river. It did, however, take him about two hours, and he almost drowned a couple of times.

Seeing this, the Army Colonel prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength and the tools to cross this river.” POOF!” God gave him a rowboat. He was able to row across the river in about an hour, but it was rough, and he almost capsized the boat a couple of times.

The Navy Captain had seen how things worked out for the other two, so when he prayed to God, he said, “Please God, give me the strength, the tools, and the intelligence to cross this river. “POOF! God turned him into a United States Marine Corps Lance Corporal.

He looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, and walked across the bridge.

A reality TV manager was interviewing one person from from each of the armed forces for a spot on the new TV show.

A soldier came in first and the manager handed him a Beretta, and said, "Go into the other room there and shoot whoever it is in there." The soldier goes in and came back out and said, "I can’t do it." He didn’t get the spot.

Next a sailor came in and the manager said the same thing to him. The sailor went into the room, came out and said, "I can’t do that." He didn’t get the spot.

Then an Air Force pilot came in and was handed the same Berretta and was told to do the same thing. Before he even went in he turned the manager down.

Finally a Marine came in and stood in front of the manager at parade rest. The manager handed him the Beretta and told him to kill whomever it was in the other room. The Marine walked in and from behind the door came a loud BANG!! Then what sounded like breaking wood and then screaming. The Marine walked out, covered in blood. The manager yelled, "What the hell happened." The Marine replied, "Some dumb-ass put blanks in the gun so I had to break off a table leg and beat her to death, sir."

The Gunny was assigned to the Marine Corps Recruit Depot where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their SGLI insurance.

It wasn't long before the Captain noticed that the Gunny had a 100% record for the maximum insurance sales, which had never happened before.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to the Gunny's sales pitch. He explained the basics of SGLI to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have SGLI and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. But if you don't have SGLI, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000."

"Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

The Great Hunting Road Trip - Final Thoughts

1. It's good to be the king retired.

It's getting tougher these days to retire. It's a balancing act between finances, health, and a political system that seems hell bent on making it as hard as possible to enjoy a life of relative leisure while maintaining a reasonable standard of living. But with a little effort and foresight (and luck) it can be done. Of course, I'm only five months into it, but so far, so good. Knock on wood...

2.  Getting away from it all is worthwhile - maybe even essential.

The Germans have a word for the tranquility that comes over one when getting close to nature: Waldeinsamkeit.

Waldeinsamkeit consists of two words: “Wald” meaning forest, and “Einsamkeit” meaning loneliness or solitude. It is the feeling of being alone in the woods, but it also hints at a connectedness to nature.

Ralph Waldo Emerson even wrote a poem about it.

I do not count the hours I spend
In wandering by the sea;
The forest is my loyal friend,
Like God it useth me.

In my case it wasn't Waldeinsamkeit in the traditional sense, but a combination of Waldeinsamkeit-lite and disconnecting from today's intrusive and overwhelming technology.

Actually, technology isn’t the problem. The problem is our inability to step away from it - the cell phones and texts and emails and games and Internet trivia and all the rest of that claptrap. I was essentially disconnected from the digital world for ten days. It was beyond refreshing. It wasn't until I got home and plugged back in that I realized how immersed I had become in a seemingly endless morass of bad news, pessimistic articles and stories, and angry, bitter commentary. All that negativity wears upon one. Over time it erodes optimism and objectivity. Granted, there's plenty of things wrong in this world. But there's also quite a bit that's right - good and uplifting and even inspiring. I fear we're in danger of losing sight of that, to our collective detriment.

Stay positive, my friends...

3.  It's a great big wide wonderful world out there. Get out and experience it.

On this trip I covered 3000 miles and four states. I had a great time. I saw scenic and historic sights. The people I met were universally warm, welcoming, friendly, and helpful (with the exception of a few asshole drivers in the Denver area). I came home with a renewed faith in the people and future of this great country.

I hope I'm right...

Friday Follies Happy Hour 2013.11.08

This song came on the radio as I was east bound and down on my way home from Wyoming. Perfect timing.

The Great Hunting Roadtrip - Illustrated Edition

A few pictures from my just-completed hunting trip to Wyoming:

The ranch where I hunted is located at the base of the Bighorn Mountains, about 30 miles east of Sheridan, Wyoming. It encompasses a wide variety of terrain, from gently rolling open prairie to the mountain range's foothills to the mountains themselves. It also borders the Bighorn National Forest.

View from the prairie looking towards the foothills and mountains.

I mentioned previously the lengthy stalks through rugged terrain when we were hunting antelope. Here's an example of a ravine we followed in an attempt to circle around a band of those elusive critters. The picture does an inadequate job of portraying just how steep that ravine was.

Uphill all the way - and at an elevation of approximately 5500 feet. Gasp...

Once we finally made our way to the top, there wasn't an antelope in sight.

Where'd they all go?

From the top of that ridge we could see all the way to Montana, about 30 miles away.

That dark ridge line off in the distance is Montana.

To give you some idea of how long that stalk was, here's a shot looking back at the truck. It's that tiny, tiny little white speck way far away.

I told you everything on that ranch is uphill.

Here's a view from the foothills looking at the mountains where we went after elk. There's no pictures of that because that day the wind was howling, the snow was pelting us, and it was too damn cold for me to take my heavy gloves off to snap pictures. Thank goodness we had nice weather for the antelope hunt. It was bad enough hiking all over God's green earth, but at least we weren't hiking and freezing.

 Here's my elk-hunting horse. Notice how cold and miserable he looks.

Two Bits wasn't very happy about lugging me up the mountains, and then back down.

Finally, here's another picture of the nice whitetail I bagged. There's a little creek bottom behind that stand of reddish-orange brush behind me. The buck came out of the creek bottom, worked his away around the brush, and was headed towards some doe a few hundred yards away.

You can tell from the light that this was early morning - about an hour after sunrise. We had him skinned and caped out, with the carcass hanging in the cooler, in short order. We dropped the head and cape off at the taxidermist and were having a celebratory cold one at the Mountain Inn by 11:30 that morning.

A great way to start the day!

It was a great hunt with some fine people in beautiful country. I can't wait to go again next year.

Feel-Good Story Of The Day

Finally back home. I'll have a full report in the next day or two.

Before the endless waves of depressing news stories reclaims me (I just went 10 days without regular access to TV, newspapers, or the Internet - it was great!) I wanted to pass on this feel-good story. Too bad more like this aren't published.

13 Marines get impromptu Chicago airport welcome

It didn't matter that the 13 Marines on their way home from Afghanistan had been fighting in a war that no longer dominates the news or that they were stopping only for a short time in Chicago before flying to San Diego.

When USO volunteer John Colas heard with just an hour's notice that the Marines' plane was bearing down on Chicago's O'Hare International Airport, he and others scrambled to make sure they got a hero's welcome.

"We want these kids coming home to realize that they haven't been forgotten," said Colas, a 74-year-old former Marine.

The reception started with a water salute in which their plane taxied underneath an arch of water from fire truck hoses.

The Marines, who had spent the better part of five days getting on and off planes to get home from the other side of the world, were then met by a small crowd of cheering USO volunteers, firefighters, police officers and airport workers as they walked into the terminal.

A short time later, boarding another jet for San Diego, the Marines learned that American Airlines — which has a policy to upgrade servicemen and women in uniform whenever possible — had six empty seats in first class for the group.

That gesture was followed by seven first-class passengers who jumped out of their seats for the other Marines so they could sit together.

The welcome home started with a phone call. Stephanie Hare, a native of Illinois who now works in England, called the USO at O'Hare and explained that her fiance, Rajan, who had served seven months in Afghanistan, was with a dozen other Marines on a plane bound for Chicago from Baltimore.

"I just thought if they could get them some Chicago pizza, champagne or something, that would mean a lot," she said.

On the other end of the line was Colas, whose duties include welcoming servicemen and women.

He told Hare he'd try to do something in the hour or so before the flight landed. But Colas cautioned that while volunteers make an effort to welcome military personnel whenever they come through the airport, he wasn't sure he could pull anything off in such a short time.

Nevertheless, he got on the phone with the police and fire departments, the airlines and anyone else he could think of.

"There must have been 15 Chicago firemen and an equal number of Chicago police and they formed a corridor for the Marines when they got off the airplane," he said.

Rajan said the Marines didn't know what to make of it, starting with the slightly unnerving experience of looking out a plane window to see a fire truck.

"For a second, we were like, 'Are we in trouble?'" he said.

After they realized the reception was for them, the Marines soaked in the scene, even as they said police officers hustled them off to another gate so they'd make their flight to San Diego.

"They were just so thankful — very, very appreciative," said Linda Kozma, an American Airlines employee who helps military personnel flying in and out of O'Hare.

Hare didn't know about any of it until she woke up Tuesday and heard Rajan relating the whole story in a voice mail.

"I just thought it was really beautiful," she said.

So did I...

The Great Hunting Road Trip - A Slight Detour

The original plan was for me to get home today. However, plans changed...

Day Ten

My wife and I talked last night. As anxious as she is for me to get home (*wink wink*), she suggested that it might be a good idea for me to swing by our weekend lakehouse and winterize it while I'm in the neighborhood.

Makes sense. It's just a little bit out of my way - adds about 90 miles to the overall trip of around 1400 miles (one way). So I'm at the lakehouse tonight. Tomorrow I'll wrap the pipes, check out the furnace and turn it on, etc. etc. etc.

No big deal. It needed to be done anyway. Besides, it was a very pleasant evening here on Lake Buchanan. A front blew through earlier today, clearing the air and providing one of those beautiful Central Texas sunsets that make life here such a joy.

The eagerly-looked-forward-to reunion of husband and wife will just have to wait one more day. What's that old saying - anticipation heightens the pleasure...?

To make the occasion extra-special, I brought my wife a romantic souvenir from Wyoming.

 

I know what you're thinking: kind of tacky, right? But there's a method to my madness. The pair I bought is size Small. My wife hasn't worn a Small since 6th grade, but she'll be so pleased that I think she's that size that her desire to pleasure me will know no bounds.

I haven't been married three times without learning something about women.

On another note, I drove through the West Texas wind farms today. It's a very eerie feeling, driving amongst those giant turbines that tower over you, silently and relentlessly turning over and over and over... They seem so out of place - advanced mechanisms dominating the ancient West Texas landscape. It's like aliens dropped down from the sky and installed thousands of these extraterrestrial machines that are just lurking in our midst, waiting for the signal to come to life and destroy us.

Nah, I'm letting my imagination run wild. Right...?

H/T xkcd

Remember the old Julio Iglesias song "To All The Girls I've Loved Before?"


Yeah, I never could stand it either.

Anyway, I thought of that song when I ran across this:

THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN YEARS.

        25% of women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

        That's scary..........  It means 75% are running around untreated!

Dedicated to all my ex-wives...

The Great Hunting Trip - Almost Home

These mornings are getting old. Wake-up temperatures around 20, blustery winds, and snow flurries. Fortunately, today should be the last one. I'm now in The Great State Of Texas.

Day Nine

I left Colorado Springs this a.m dodging sleet and snow. As I worked my way south the precipitation turned into rain, which was all right with me. My truck doesn't slip and slide around in rain like it does in frozen H2O.

Another issue with driving through the Colorado mountain passes is the wind. I was headed south and the wind was howling in from the west. I drove about 100 miles with the steering wheel cranked 1/8th of a turn to the right just to stay straight.

Others weren't so fortunate. I passed a truck towing a U-Haul trailer that was in the ditch by the side of the road. The truck was upright, but the trailer was on its side, which makes me think that the trailer was blown over by a strong gust of wind.

In any event, about four hours after I left Colorado Springs I crossed the Texas state line. Immediately the sun became brighter, the women prettier, the speed limits higher, the gas prices lower, and the beer colder. Coincidence? I think not...

Another travel note of interest is that once I was in Texas I began to see green foliage. In Wyoming, Colorado, and New Mexico all the grass and brush was brown, and what few trees there were were either barren or dropping leaves. In Texas the grass was green, the brush was green (granted, it was cedar, prickly pear cactus, or agarita, but still...), and many of the trees were still green.

Also noteworthy of my entrance into God's Country was that I was finally able to turn off my heater for the first time in over a week in the panhandle town of Dumas TX.

Speaking of Dumas, a little bit south of the town the road went over a slight rise. I was able to see the Amarillo skyline (such as it is) from that point. Dumas is approximately 30 miles northwest of Amarillo, so that should give you some idea of how flat the Texas panhandle is.

An additional indicator of the Texas panhandle's flatness is a story an old friend of mine once told me. He was a psychologist who lived in Lubbock TX. He had a patient who was afraid of heights. Part of the treatment was to accompany the patient to a high point to show him that nothing bad would happen. The kicker is that the highest point ion the Lubbock area was a freeway overpass. So my friend and his patient would spend an hour driving on the Lubbock loop and pulling over on the overpasses. Goodness knows what would happen to that guy if he ever went somewhere with true elevation changes.

Anyway, I'm almost home. I've had a great time on this trip, but I'm ready for it to end.

Too Good Not To Repost

After spending the last several days among people in Wyoming, Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas, this image rang very true.

H/T OldNFO

The Great Hunting Road Trip - Just In Time

Day Eight

Began retracing my steps today, from Wyoming to home in Texas. I'm leaving just in time. The forecast low at the ranch for tonight is 15 degrees with a chance of snow. The cabin I stayed in was heated by a little gas fireplace. It keep the interior tolerable, but not really warm. I wore two layers inside while I was there. I don't think the heater would do much good with temps in the teens.

It was pretty cold all day today. I don't think the temperature ever got out of the 30s. I started the day out with ice lining the bed of the truck. When I checked into the hotel tonight most of it was still there.

Speaking of ice, the roads were slushy and icy in northern Wyoming. The plows were out early, but there were still icy patches for a few hundred miles. About 1 1/2 hours after I left I was in that interstate highway zone. Traffic was extremely light. There was a car about a mile in front of me, and another one about a mile behind. I was cruising on autopilot, my mind wandering, when I drove under an overpass. It was iced over under there in the shade. In the blink of an eye I was doing 75 MPH sideways. That snapped me back to reality in a great big hurry. Fortunately, like I said, there wasn't another vehicle anywhere near. But I can guarantee after that I was alert and very careful around overpasses and bridges.

It looks like things will be a little warmer as I continue south. There's a chance of rain, but I can handle that a lot better than snow and ice.

I'm in Colorado Springs tonight. Drove 510 miles today in 8 hours driving time for an average speed of 64 MPH. It would have been higher, except for the traffic and construction in the Ft. Collins -> Denver -> Colorado Springs stretch.

Pet Peeve of the day: Colorado drivers. They're worse than Houston drivers. Besides their general disregard for traffic laws and other drivers, what makes them worse is the number of smug, self-righteous ponytailed hippies driving Prius' with treehugger bumper stickers (example: Save the planet. Ride a bike).

Sign of the day - seen on an oilfield services truck: "Your hole is our goal."

Tomorrow's objective: Lubbock, Texas. I don't want to say Lubbock is a little behind the times, but until May 2009 Lubbock County allowed "package" sales of alcohol (sales of bottled liquor from liquor stores), but not "by the drink sales." At the same time, inside the Lubbock city limits, the situation was reversed, with restaurants and bars able to serve alcohol, but liquor stores forbidden. In May 2009 voters approved changes in those laws to permit the sale of both packaged alcohol and liquor by the drink in both the county and the city.

On the plus side, Lubbock has produced an impressive number of musicians, including Buddy Holly, Delbert McClinton, Jimmie Dale Gilmore, Butch Hancock, Joe Ely, Mac Davis (meh), Lloyd Maines, Jay Boy Adams, and Pat Green. So it's not a total loss.

The time change has got me all out of sync, so I'm going to call it a night. The God Lord willing, tomorrow I'll be back in God's Country.

The Great Hunting Road Trip - The Next Day

Even though I've filled my tags, I didn't come all this way to sit around.  A few of the other hunters here have elk tags. I decided to tag along with them this morning. It didn't take long to regret that decision.

Day Seven

First of all, elk hunting starts early. Elk hang out in the tall timber up in the mountains. In order to get there in time for shooting light we left one hour before sunrise. Since last night included a few celebratory toasts in honor of my wall-hanger buck, getting out of my nice comfortable bed this morning was a little tough.

Another factor of the elk's habitat preference is the mode of transportation. Trucks can't get into the timberlands, so we use horses. One advantage of horses is that they can go where trucks can't which means less walking - or so I thought. More on that later. My trusty steed was Two Bits (note the brand on his hip).

One advantage trucks have over horses, however, is that trucks are much, much warmer. You may have noticed that Two Bits is standing in the snow. When we left the corral it was dark, the wind was howling, the snow was pelting us, and the temperature was 21 degrees. The pictures below show, in succession, frozen water coming out of a roof gutter downspout, the snug little cabin I'm staying in before the snow, and after.

Here's what my truck looked like when we got back. Fortunately, my brand new snow and ice scraper cleared it off in no time.

Okay, back to this morning's elk hunt. We rode for about an hour, then stopped and glassed for elk. Saw several bulls right away. We immediately dismounted and began stalking them on foot. Closed the distance to about 150 yards. The guy who had the first shot selected his target - a nice bull standing broadside and unsuspecting - settled into shooting position, squeezed the trigger ... and flat out missed!

The bulls took off over the skyline. After a brief counsel we decided to follow them, hoping that they would settle down in the next little valley. Of course, it was about half a mile to that ridge ... uphill ... in the snow. This was antelope hunting all over again, except the animals were bigger and the mountains were steeper - much steeper. Plus we were at somewhere between 5500 - 6000 feet of altitude. Now I consider myself in pretty good shape for an overweight 61-year-old who eats and drinks too much and doesn't exercise enough, but the combination of steep slopes and thin air was kicking my ass. I wasn't the only one doing a steam engine imitation, however. Everyone else was gasping for air like they'd just finished running a marathon, except for our guide. He was doing an excellent mountain goat imitation, bounding up ahead then hurrying back to tell us "Just a few more steps."

Yeah, right...

Of course we never caught a glimpse of those elk again. Or any others, for that matter. So after a couple of hours of mountain climbing we decided to go back to where we'd left our horse ... about a mile back ... uphill again (how does that work?) ... in the snow. Sigh...

We finally got back about four hours after we left - wet, cold, tired, and hungry. Thank goodness lunch was ready. Hot chicken and dumplings! It was manna from heaven. It restored enough of my strength that I was able to totter back to my cabin and take a nap.

I hit the road tomorrow for the return trip home. The forecast for Wyoming and Colorado calls for snow and freezing temperatures, so the trip could be quite an adventure. Everything I know about driving on snow and ice I learned in Texas: when in doubt, step on the gas.

The adventure continues...

The Great Hunting Road Trip - Success Edition

The title gives it away. After a day and a half of frustration, things fell into place.

Day Five

Today started like yesterday - chasing those damn antelope all over Hell and back. The locals call them "speed goats" for a reason. Their natural defense mechanisms are exceptionally keen eyesight, speed, and a predilection for hanging out in the middle of wide open spaces ... emphasis on the "wide" and "open."

We started off the morning by spotting a good sized herd of 20 or so in the middle of a field that had to be at least one mile by one mile. It was, however, criss-crossed by several ravines and draws. So the game plan was to slip into one of the draws and sneak into shooting distance. Off we went.

It was a replay of yesterday. Muddy, sloppy footing - and uphill, of course. When we got to what we thought was a good spot we climbed (staggered) up the side of the ravine. Easing over the top we saw the herd moseying over the next ridge. We repeated this process three more times before we gave up and trudged back to the truck, which by this time was about two miles away. That futile exercise took over two hours.

After chugging down several bottles of water and gobbling an energy bar, we headed off to another field. There we spotted a small group on a slope about 1000 yards away. We tried the same tactic that failed miserably before (who says humans learn from their mistakes). We dropped down behind a ridge, made a 45 minute trek to a little hillock near where they were, and slithered our way to the top. I stuck my head over the edge and was almost face to face with an antelope buck bedded down on the reverse side of the hill. I don't know who was more shocked - me or him. I do know who reacted faster. He was on his feet and hauling ass away before I finished exclaiming "Oh Shit!"

To make matters even more confused, five other bucks jumped up and started dashing around. After I got over the initial shock I tried to do a quick assessment and pick out a good one, but it was utter chaos. They finally all started running in the same direction, curving around me to my left. However, my buddy was behind me to my left. I didn't want to risk a snap shot while turning, afraid my twisting to the left would bring the muzzle across him, so I let them go.

My 'friend' consoled my with the comment that I probably would have missed the shot anyway. Thanks a lot...

At that point we were tired, hungry, and frustrated, so we headed back to HQ for lunch. As luck would have it, we again ran into the first group we saw. We decided to give it one more try. This time, however, we changed tactics. We drove into the field, but when we dropped below their line of sight my friend stopped the truck and I slipped out. He then drove off parallel to them. While they were watching him I pulled a Sneaky Pete on them. I got within 100 yards before a doe busted me. There was no rest available, and I couldn't go prone because of the tall grass, so I had to shoot offhand. I normally try to avoid that because it's difficult to be accurate from that position, but at this point I was determined to get a shot off. I zeroed in on a nice buck and squeezed one off. It was like shooting birds - pick your target, swing through, and fire as the muzzle passes the front of the target. I was a little off - spined him midway back. That anchored him, and I moved in and put him down.

Unfortunately, I didn't have my camera with me. We couldn't get the truck to him because of the terrain, so we drove back to the ranch and got an ATV. My friend went back to get the antelope while I cleaned up. When I went to the skinning shed with my camera he had already caped and skinned the buck. So no pictures (sorry, Bear).

Back out in the fields that afternoon looking for whitetails. We had word about a couple of good bucks hanging out near a feeder ditch into a small creek. Sat there from mid-afternoon until an hour or so before sundown. Then I decided to stalk along the ditch. Spent another hour creeping through the brush. Saw plenty of doe, but no bucks. Oh well, the day was already a success - and I was plumb tuckered out. Dinner, drinks, and bed - the hunting version of shampoo, rinse, repeat.

Day Six

Headed out before sunup. Got into position near the ditch and creek we sat on last night. Waited until about an hour after sunup, then repeated the ditch stalk from last night. This time I crossed the ditch and followed some brush on the other side. After just a few minutes I spotted a nice buck. While I was watching him and maneuvering into a shooting position another buck came up behind him. For a little while it looked like a two-headed deer. They were lined up nose to tail facing me. I saw one body, one head turned to the left, and the other turned to the right. The deer in the back was very impressive, but he stayed behind the first one. They finally separated, about the same time they spotted us.

Just like yesterday's antelope, I had to decide between an offhand shot at a moving target, or not shooting. The difference was the deer was a bigger target and wasn't moving as fast. I was also a little more confident, since I made the same shot yesterday. In a case of deja vu I hit the deer in the spine with my first shot and then finished him off with a second.

Usually a deer shrinks on the ground as you get closer to him. This was one of those special cases where the deer grows as you approach him. He is easily the best one I've ever taken. The folks at the ranch say he's the biggest one ever shot there. The picture below really doesn't do him justice. He's a big-bodied 5x6, with much more mass than shows up in the photo.

The rest of the morning was spent caping and skinning him. We then took him and yesterday's antelope to the taxidermist. On the way back to the ranch we stopped for a celebratory beer. It was 11:30 in the morning, but I justified it by figuring that was 12:30 p.m. back home, so it was okay. Then a couple of people next to us at the bar ordered vodka and tonics. That made us feel even better, since serious drinkers drink hard liquor in the morning. We were only having beer, so we felt better about it.

Then it was back to the ranch to clean up, have some lunch, take a little nap, and then go out to harass all the other lessor hunters who still hadn't filled their tags.

Life is good...