Sunday Funnies 2015.01.04

We're four days into 2015 and New Year's resolutions are falling faster than the NYPD's opinion of Bill De Blasio.

Before we get to the jokes, let's define our terms.

New Year’s Resolutions are like Las Vegas wedding vows: half-assed promises made by drunken idiots.

Notwithstanding the above, here's one I made that I'm confident I will keep.

I will assume full responsibility for my actions (except the ones that are someone else's fault).

Here's some our dogs made that I don't think they will keep.

I will not bark each time I hear a door bell on TV.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.