Yard Nazis

First it was CSI for doggie poop.

Plagued with pets that do business in all the wrong places, dog owners in the Village of Abacoa must pay a $200 fee (to their HOA) starting Aug. 1. The money will pay DNA Pet World Registry to take the dog's genetic fingerprint...

Doggie droppings found in condo common areas will be collected and mailed in a plastic tube to the Knoxville, Tenn.-based company. If the poop matches the pooch, the owners can be fined up to $1,000. If they don't pay, a lien can be placed on their home...

Beginning Aug. 1 and until Aug. 31, a dog owner must pay a $200 one-time fee for a swab to be taken from their dog's mouth. DNA Pet World Registry uses the swab to determine the dog's DNA sample. The dog is issued a identification tag to wear on its collar. Owners who pay after Aug. 31 will be charged $500.

A maintenance person from Versa Management will collect marble-sized samples found in restricted areas. The samples go in a leakproof plastic container about the size of a small perfume bottle containing DNA stabilization solution. The container is mailed to DNA Pet World, where the identification test is done.

Feces identification is a booming business. DNA Pet World and PooPrints - its motto is "Match the Mess through DNA" - are spinoffs from BioPet Vet Labs.

I wonder if the PooPrints lab workers wear designer dresses and look like models a la CSI.

When no one stopped the Yard Nazis there, they moved on to this.

Their front yard was torn up after replacing a sewer line, so instead of replacing the dirt with grass, one Oak Park woman put in a vegetable garden and now the city is seeing green.
Julie Bass says, “We thought we’re minding our own business, doing something not ostentatious and certainly not obnoxious or nothing that is a blight on the neighborhood, so we didn’t think people would care very much.”

But some cared very much and called the city. The city then sent out code enforcement.

“They warned us at first that we had to move the vegetables from the front, that no vegetables were allowed in the front yard. We didn’t move them because we didn’t think we were doing anything wrong, even according to city code we didn’t think we were doing anything wrong. So they ticketed us and charged me with a misdemeanor,” Bass said.

City code says that all unpaved portions of the site shall be planted with grass or ground cover or shrubbery or other suitable live plant material. Tomatoes, peppers and cucumbers are what Basses see as suitable.

However, Oak Park’s Planning and Technology Director Kevin Rulkowski says the city disagrees. He says, “If you look at the dictionary, suitable means common. You can look all throughout the city and you’ll never find another vegetable garden that consumes the entire front yard.”

Two points: first, my dictionary doesn't define "suitable" as "common." Instead, it says "acceptable or right for someone or something." Alternatively, it is "adapted to a use or purpose." I'm with the Basses on this one. I think neat, well-maintained gardens are 'suitable.'

In any event, take a look at the Bass' house and yard, pictured below.. It's neat, clean, and well-maintained. I've lived next to much worse looking places. 

I wouldn't mind having them as neighbors. Their home and yard are neat, clean, and tasteful (/pun). As an added bonus, their neighbors could run over there under the cover of darkness anytime they needed fresh produce.

God save us all from busybody neighbors and over-officious bureaucrats...